Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

I have been advised by a therapist to cut off all contact with my son.  He is a poly substance user and is violent towards his girlfriend.  He was violent as a young person to his sister.  The worse he feels the worse he acts, and then of course, the worse he feels.  The cycle of xanax blackouts, violence, drinking, heavy/constant pot smoking and being miserable waxes and wanes but is always just around the corner.  I am not thinking of cutting off contact as any sort of ultimatum or so much as needing to change the dynamic for myself and to get out of an enabling role so that he can figure out his own life.  I love him dearly and have high hopes for him but worry on a regular basis that he won't live very long at this rate.  I guess my question is whether it makes sense to just disconnect quietly or to direclty let him know that I want no contact with him for at least a year.   Thanks so much for any insight or thoughts you're willing to share.   

Wow! I just wanted to let you know that I once again have internet at home. I don't have to go to the library to use the computer anymore!! "_) I am so excited!

Anyway, I hope this means that I will hear more from all of you and I will be on here a lot more! 

See you soon...

Searchin

Hello my AnA family. I have noticed that SOME, not ALL, of the recovering  addicts can be incredably harsh with those of us who are co-dependant. It would be nice if you showed the same compassion and understanding to us, as you do to other addicts. It is a disease as well, and requires the same patients and kindness. We too have to learn new tools, and how to handle each day.

I understand you understand the addict, and can call BS before those of us who aren't see it. We need to hear when something sounds funny, and not right, or if it is typical addict behaviour. 

We all get to where we need to be in our own time. Today may be a bad day, and we just need support. Tomorrow may be a good day that we can give support. Telling a co-dependant to walk away, and not help the addict, and draw a hard line in the sand is not helpful. Those of you who press AA / NA meetings know that it is called detach with love now, which means set boundaries, let the addict know you are there for them, but only if they are seeking recovery and it doesn't cause us harm. 

That is my request. Show a little more kindness, and undertanding. We all know it is a challenging role for all parties, and all parties need kindness and support. 

i am an adult child and codependent in recovery for over 12 yrs.  i have been on and off in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic for 11 years.  the last 5 years he has been clean and sober.  three years into his soberity he ended our relationship because we "weren't getting along".  last year in april we started speaking again and hanging out.  things were much improved between, an opinion we both shared, and talked about.  an outside situation came up recently that put him in a position to "define" our relationship.  his decision was to not take our relationship to the next level which is to be "boyfriend/girlfriend".  so essentially we are "broken up" again, this time EVEN THOUGH THINGS WERE GOOD.  i don't understand this.  any feedback anyone can provide i would greatly appreciate.

this site came highly recommended by a friend so i decided to give it a try.

wow time flys. It seems like i just got out of rehab like a month ago, but i did what was suggested to me, stay clean and sober one day at a time.

I own a very small maid service.  Just over two months ago, one of my customers lost their son, 20 years old, in a car wreck.  He had a long history of drug use.  He was handsome, popular, funny, and loved.

Tuesday, ANOTHER customer lost their 25 year old son to heroin overdose.  He had a master's degree, applying for PhD programs, good looking, well liked, wealthy family.  He had it all.

Why won't this madness end? 

What do I say to the parents, or do I say nothing at all? 

 My brother who has been using crack for 30 years, and lives with my parents smokes crack in the house regularly..  Everytime I visit I get a contact high and my cloths reek of crack.. I want to visit but my health says no. He recently bought me a trailer and wants me to live close by.  I know that would mean regular doses of crack smoke in my body.  I am torn because I love my family but cant handle the crack smoke.  Is my health in danger breathing second hand crack smoke on a regular basis?  What would you do? I miss my family but dont want to harmmy health.  Also, can you detoxify an enviornment that had been smoked in? 

I was on the Nar-Anon Family groups site, & found conventions coming up this year in Toronto, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Northern California & Georgia. Check it out: nar-anon.org    under the Conventions/Events category. Who knows? Maybe you'll finally meet the face behind the post!