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AskanAddict.com is intended to provide addiction support and advice in a non-judgmental way so that the addict or anyone else that's been affected by an addict will know there are many who understand and eliminate the feeling of being alone. Ask an Addict knows it may be hard to talk with family and friends as many times they just don’t understand. Many have fractured those important relationships in life during active addiction. When it comes to seeking information, likeness, and establishing a strong recovery program who better to ask then someone who has been there! At Ask an Addict we listen and learn, together. Whether your an addict, a recovering addict or have been affected by an addict, we all have that common denominator of addiction.

If I had to use one word to describe our members, it would be the word compassion. (sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it)


 
 
 
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i keep finding the hurt
I have been doing pretty well. I miss my AD so very badly but I keep plugging along. I keep finding the hurt though. I am not trying, it is just things keep happening that are so hard to cope with. I have been redoing my house a little at a time. As I move something I find things. I paint (various rooms) I keep finding splatters, or smudges of blood and black finger prints. I can not believe the things that keep coming up. My cat got into something a week or so ago and almost died. I had no idea what was wrong with it until I found the "evidence" and put it together. He was tripping...my God I still can not believe what has happened sometimes, in my house. I no longer say "home" because it no longer feels like the safe place to escape the woes of the world. it feels like a place where I come to, that reminds me of the woes of the world. Does that make any sense at all? i sometimes want to move, to run. Sometimes I think it will be OK if I stay. I just do not know if it will all be OK in the house again. It is such a pretty house. I built it with so many dreams for my family. I know not one persons behavior should push me out of my house but it is the continuing of finding the horrors that I struggle to leave behind me that is so horrific. I love my addicted child, I do not like her choices, I learn a little each day to try and move on, but how do you with constant reminders. I mean this is not just in AD bedroom or bath it is in spots that I would never expect. I am trying so had to clean this house, make it clean and fresh, not get rid of the memories ( they will always be there) but to help them fade. Since I bought this home, most of the years here have been totally encased with drug use. NOt a lot of happy times here. I am trying to make happier ones and rebuild but darn it! It is hard to revamp and move on when it keeps showing itself over and over again. I must have found 15 spots today in a small area. Then I see an old friend of Ad who ( I will not say what I think of him as I need to return to this site and my words would make a truck driver blush) But he was high, talking to me sweating and pin point eyes...made bile rise in my throat. I was not in a position to dismiss him quickly and I hated that he kept talking to me as thought he were somebody who was good to my AD. he spoke of his sobriety and it made me sicker and angry that he thought I was so stupid I did not know he was high. It was the topper to a very bad day and a horrible way to end it. Thus me writing this late, I now can not sleep. being tormented by ghosts from the past. Just so aggravated. I have other family to think of that love this house and think of it as "home" so I can not be selfish enough to want to sell it. But I secretly dream of running away, really far with all of them to a new home, in a new place where the streets and neighborhood have no dirtiness to them. Where they do not speak of pain to me....I ream and wish. Sorry I just needed to get that out of me. The painful reminders today were almost unbearable

Posted: 07/12/2014 9:57 PM

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Good observation/quote

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our heads of how we think it is supposed to be". ---unknown---

I know that is what got me this week.  It's been a rough one. And not from my addict, but from the "good" child.  My addict has "been there" for me during my mother's illness, passing, and now a few weeks later, he's still hanging in there.  That's enough to be thankful for today. 

Letting go of my daughter doesn't mean I will stop caring, it simply means I know I am powerless to make her care. 

 

Posted: 07/19/2014 9:52 PM

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