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Welcome to Ask an Addict

AskanAddict.com is intended to provide addiction support and advice in a non-judgmental way so that the addict or anyone else that's been affected by an addict will know there are many who understand and eliminate the feeling of being alone. Ask an Addict knows it may be hard to talk with family and friends as many times they just don’t understand. Many have fractured those important relationships in life during active addiction. When it comes to seeking information, likeness, and establishing a strong recovery program who better to ask then someone who has been there! At Ask an Addict we listen and learn, together. Whether your an addict, a recovering addict or have been affected by an addict, we all have that common denominator of addiction.

If I had to use one word to describe our members, it would be the word compassion. (sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it)

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Visiting in this case..help or hindrance?
It's been a tumultuous several months to say the least. My father declined & died Aug 27 & my mom has been moved to hospice care. My daughter is getting married Oct 24 out-of-town so I was planning a wedding shower and my dad's memorial service/luncheon together. I am in charge of my parent's estate so there is no end to paperwork. I won't go into all the gory details but suffice it to say as my dad was taking his last breath, my son found it an opportunity to double his efforts to elicit $, shelter and even a train ticket (which he cashed in). My stress has been so high that my Blood Pressure is not under good control again..I have been feeling wretched. To the point..we stopped responding to anything AD demanded or accused after his short stint (on our $) in yet another hotel so he could "work" (which he didn't and was also our fault for not giving him enough "bus" money). We just stopped answering anything and so AD is now in downtown Detroit at a large Salvation Army shelter with a 180 day work program. I looked it up..it is a nice, clean, safe place that takes care of all his needs as long as he complies with the program. He called to say he got down there and then proceeded to use his "I'm going to my execution" voice and saying he can't believe we would let him "fall so far." I wasn't biting, just wishing him success and telling him I believe he is strong enough to change his life if he wants to. The question I have is about visiting. He wanted me to know he can have no contact except for Sunday afternoon visitors. I have always felt that seeing us or even speaking to us sets him back..he usually has used it as an opportunity to elicit sympathy, money & guilt. I certainly won't be going this month but should I go at all? I have always shown love & support but he has always interpreted that as an opening of some kind. If he sticks with this, he will be there over the holidays. Should I go then? This has been going on for 10 years now and all I can think is 180 day respite for us and an outside chance he gets it together by participating in a longer program. If I thought it would help..I'd go. I'm afraid it will hurt his chances of success.

Posted: 10/06/2015 9:57 AM

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Latest Confession
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How I spent Friday night.....

I went to hear a speaker, Tim Hilton with Bradford Health Services, Friday night.  He gave a very compelling talk about the addicted brain, showed how it is indeed a disease, and was able to explain why it is so hard to "just quit".  I would encourage you to look him up and see if he is speaking in your area.  For the family and friends who struggle to understand addiction, this is a great place to start.

Posted: 10/04/2015 10:04 AM

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