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Member Since: 04/20/2011
 
Last Login: 12/05/2012

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Mother of three grown children. Son, 27, abused alcohol possible some drugs.I  Love him and refuse to give up on him.  I beleive he can do great things. He lacks self esteem and has low tolerance for frustration.Always had anger issues we just always thought he would grow out of them and thought it was normal growing pains.  I believe he is self medicating because he  just cant deal with what life has thrown at him. I need to help.



My Relationship with Addiction

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  • General Addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Drugs
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LIFECOACH
468 Thanks

I responded to your post.  We have , I would say, the same thing going on with our kids right now.  I am heartbroken for her. I know she got herself into this mess and had to give up everyone, but still.



Posted: 10/07/2011 2:07 PM
LIFECOACH
468 Thanks

Hi Mom,  In the book (which I have mentioned on this site) Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, there is a chapter on detachment.  Works wonders for me when I read it.



Posted: 07/18/2011 11:01 AM
LIFECOACH
844 Thanks

re: post Last Night.

My original post to you got replaced by Missymae 2's. So I just re-posted a shorter version of it.

I so understand your feelings of despair. Before my son was arrested I was consumed by his addiction. My stress levels were having ill effects on me ( I was breaking out in hives). Our family physician is treating me for stress and depression. My son was all I could think about for a long time. But with the meds and some soul searching I am slowly becoming the person I need to be. I hope things get better for you. Take care.



Posted: 07/16/2011 3:10 AM
LIFECOACH
468 Thanks

hi. its me linnie.  i just started to go back to older posting. i hear you loud and clear. it is easier.  i would hide what i was doing for my daughter so i didnt have to hear my husband tell me i was enabling and making it easier for her. i was just honestly thinking i was helping. i am done with week 2 of cnsl. and it is hard to hear that i am being manipulated and enabling as well as codependency issues. the cnsl. told me being the mom is sooo hard and takes time.  it just kills me and hurts me so much that she is out there without my guidance. but where did my guidance get me/her the past year? no where. she was here one day a few months ago when i took her back and asked me for 30 dollars. i right away said i would have to go to an atm, and my mom said to her, dont you have a savings acct. the bank is still open. she stormed out. thank god for my mom at that moment. why didnt i think of that answer?  it just shows how she has me under her thumb. but i felt like such an idiot that i didnt think of it myself.  that is why i go to cnsl.



Posted: 06/17/2011 5:48 AM
48 Thanks

This is fropm Teri. I saw you asked how I cleaned up. Well it wasn't easy, and it took a long time. I might be kind of l;ike your son. I come from a good family, and had pretty much everything going for me at one time. As life goes on, you come across people who just get the best of you.  I had a great job, bills paid, etc. and then heroin comes into my life. I lost everything but through it all, I kept thinking of the life I used to have. I'm totally sure your son remembers the good things he had. But that's the hardest thing, when you remember what you had and it's all gone now and it seems like a lifetime away to get it back, you tend to use more, and do more harmful things.  I heard one time thebest thing you can do for some one with a problem is the hardest thing. Don't gine up on him, but don't let him get you down. It sucks right now for you, but you have to dig deep and keep it together. I think eventually he'll realize what he's doing.  For me, I would clean up  and then go back. It took like 3 times of relapsing before it finally clicked. Having an addiction is like having a job. Your body starts to crave what ever it is your putting into it. I would wake up in the morning and I wouldn't be able to get out of bed until I had my fix. I wasn't even getting high anymore, I was doing it to just feel normal and get through the day. I  actually started methodone and I woke up one morning, took it and didn't feel bad. I got through my day without doing any dope. And then another day and another day. You son probably feels so helpless right now, and that is the biggest fuel to drink more, or do more of whatever. I read everything that people wrote and it is all right on. You and your husband can totally be there for him, but don't let him be the center of everything. Maybe start saying no, or telling him to leave if he blows up at you.  Sometimes that tough love helps.  Or kill him with kindness, like tell him, you can have your life back, it isn't that far fetched. Or something like that. My heart truly goes out to you and your family. This is hard for you but it's hard for  your son too. It's the same for everyone but it's also different for everyone. Do what you can to stay strong and let him see he's not affecting you, even if he is. Something eventually has got to open hios eyes!!

I wish you the best



Posted: 04/21/2011 8:32 PM


 
 
 

 
 
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