This is the place to get it all out! Tell us what's on your mind. What's the worst thing you've done for your addiction? What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your addiction? How have you been affected because of someone else's addiction? How has your life as an addict affected the ones you love? Reading and writing these confessions help us realize the impact that the addictions have over all of us. When posting your confession, you can choose to remain anonymous or let others see your profile name as to bring about discussions.
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I am bitter and angry,just for today
I am tired. Tired of worry, tired of not sleeping, tired of workin on ME, tired of cooking tired of cleaning, and tired of trying to change my thinking. Why? Because I did not do this, and I am angry. I am angry at the person who brought dope into the life of my family. I am tired of lying that my AD is at college when she is in prison. WHy do I lie, because I have a small child who needs playmates. I hate being judged, condemed, ridiculed byt "the perfect people" I hate I can not pick up the phone and call my child when I want. I hate that she does not want to change. I hate that another young person in my community died from heroin. I hate when I look into the eyes of an addict wether using or clean, they could be one minute away from death. I hate when I see families together although I am sure some sort of dysfunction is there, they are together. I hate that I love my addicted child because with love comes immense pain at times. I hate the memories. Even the good ones because they make me cry just as bad as the bad ones. I hate that ny child has not hit bottom. I hate that she wants to return to the lifestyle. She says to me she doesnt but everything she does in action, speaks volumes. I HATE DRUG ADDICTION. I hate the loiss, pain, endless fighting for a somewhat normal life, I just wnat to breath again, just exhale. I want to rest. I want to be at peace. I am just angry tonight and tomorrow will be a better day as I always turn this around! Thanx for allowing me to vent :) Posted: 05/01/2015 7:30 PM
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I am bitter and angry,just for today
I am tired. Tired of worry, tired of not sleeping, tired of workin on ME, tired of cooking tired of cleaning, and tired of trying to change my thinking. Why? Because I did not do this, and I am angry. I am angry at the person who brought dope into the life of my family. I am tired of lying that my AD is at college when she is in prison. WHy do I lie, because I have a small child who needs playmates. I hate being judged, condemed, ridiculed byt "the perfect people" I hate I can not pick up the phone and call my child when I want. I hate that she does not want to change. I hate that another young person in my community died from heroin. I hate when I look into the eyes of an addict wether using or clean, they could be one minute away from death. I hate when I see families together although I am sure some sort of dysfunction is there, they are together. I hate that I love my addicted child because with love comes immense pain at times. I hate the memories. Even the good ones because they make me cry just as bad as the bad ones. I hate that ny child has not hit bottom. I hate that she wants to return to the lifestyle. She says to me she doesnt but everything she does in action, speaks volumes. I HATE DRUG ADDICTION. I hate the loiss, pain, endless fighting for a somewhat normal life, I just wnat to breath again, just exhale. I want to rest. I want to be at peace. I am just angry tonight and tomorrow will be a better day as I always turn this around! Thanx for allowing me to vent :) Posted: 05/01/2015 7:30 PM
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I am bitter and angry,just for today
I am tired. Tired of worry, tired of not sleeping, tired of workin on ME, tired of cooking tired of cleaning, and tired of trying to change my thinking. Why? Because I did not do this, and I am angry. I am angry at the person who brought dope into the life of my family. I am tired of lying that my AD is at college when she is in prison. WHy do I lie, because I have a small child who needs playmates. I hate being judged, condemed, ridiculed byt "the perfect people" I hate I can not pick up the phone and call my child when I want. I hate that she does not want to change. I hate that another young person in my community died from heroin. I hate when I look into the eyes of an addict wether using or clean, they could be one minute away from death. I hate when I see families together although I am sure some sort of dysfunction is there, they are together. I hate that I love my addicted child because with love comes immense pain at times. I hate the memories. Even the good ones because they make me cry just as bad as the bad ones. I hate that ny child has not hit bottom. I hate that she wants to return to the lifestyle. She says to me she doesnt but everything she does in action, speaks volumes. I HATE DRUG ADDICTION. I hate the loiss, pain, endless fighting for a somewhat normal life, I just wnat to breath again, just exhale. I want to rest. I want to be at peace. I am just angry tonight and tomorrow will be a better day as I always turn this around! Thanx for allowing me to vent :) Posted: 05/01/2015 7:29 PM
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True confession
My AD has gone back to rehab for the 15 th time. Am I glad? Yes.
I am also worn down and tired. I really feel just a bit past relieved. No joy. No renewal of hope. I feel rather dead about her. If she stays in rehab, she stays. If she leaves, she leaves. I do not want to go to the family meetings in rehab. I want to take a walk in the woods, and feel alive. I do not want to be with her.i did go to see her when She was in the ER for a few hours, but that was all. I did drive her back to rehab after that, rather than have her take a cab. I told her not to talk During the twenty minute drive. She remained quiet. We did not speak. Whatever it is she has to say, I do not want to hear it.
I am done listening to her, I am done hoping. When she has been sober for a year I might be able to listen to her.
I can't do these things for her anymore because it is too painful.
After I saw her, I went home and cried. Such a beautiful child, so loving, so creative, so talented. Wasted in a life on the street, addicted to heroin and that very life. It is crushing to see her like this. When I think of my daughter, and the life she has, I want to vomit. It is so wrong, so very wrong.
Posted: 04/12/2015 10:34 PM
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A non-addict note
Over the past year, I have often spoken about how stressed I have been on account of my addict son as well as my mother suffering from COPD and dementia. My mother died on April 1 -- a calm death in a dementia care facility. She had undergone a marked deterioration in the days immediately before. She would have been 92 on her next birthday; she was diagnosed with dementia four years ago. But she was suffering for at least two years before that, maybe many more. It was so hard to tell.
Posted: 04/02/2015 3:45 PM
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The Script, the Scapegoating, the Obvious
Sometimes a penny drops. I just realized why my addict son's script, rage, and blaming is so important to him, even though irrational to me and everyone I've ever talked to about it. He is SCAPEGOATING other people in his family as a way of justifying his inability to control his own life, emotions and drug use and as well as the stumbling he does in so many areas. It's part of his denial. He needs to blame others because it's so much more comfortable than looking at his own life. How obvious is that? Why wasn't it obvious to me about 15 years ago.
Posted: 03/30/2015 9:52 AM
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Back in the saddle
Well, my son stopped himself before hitting the gutter this time. Yesterday and today were both clean days. Something must have clicked for him.
I no longer hold my breath, but am learning to take "one day at a time". The 12 steps work, whether you are in AA, NA, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, they do work!!
Posted: 03/22/2015 9:29 PM
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surrendering to onother addiction
Well since last time , I told u guys my progress , about my move to another town , with the 74 year old man , turned out to be an alcoholic I didn't have a car so the only way I could get out of the house was to go with him and he drank from 1 pm to 8 pm and I was the designated driver and than I started to and I realized it was going to be a problem, and believe me I liked it , better than being stuck at home . In the mean time I joined the senior citizen center in my town where they pick me up for lunch and their daily functions and boy what a twist in my life . cant go wrong here I'm the youngest here and feel safe here ? Than getting back to alcohol I had to decide what to do because the 12 step program never worked for me , I decided to give it another shot on my own this time not forced to me by order of the courts so with my SSI check I bought a cheap car plated insured got my license reinstated just yesterday made a doctor appointment with a head doctor to see if they can help me with my disorders and joined a church , hoping it can help me out with this journey I found a cheap point and shoot camera which I will take photos and post them on my album on this site , now I'm broke and also a got gas in my tank, and my Medicare is in effect. I'm kind of proud of my achievements but also scared I'm having to many episodes of feeling high anxiety and loneliness . My brain needs a tune up I'm getting old and I may not have time to be happy and content . I crave happiness hope it becomes a reality not a fantasy , and my next step is trying to save some money and get my own place .
Dog the addict
To all addicts there is success keep trying never give up I'm not,one day I will succeed . God Bless
Posted: 03/20/2015 7:19 AM
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It was only a matter of time
Today..my son has a job, a car, and a girlfriend. Today he is also using again. Soon the job, car and girlfriend will be gone and he'll be trying to get back in my life. It is a predictable pattern, only this time, I will not be a participant. Words of wisdom welcome..............
Posted: 03/13/2015 10:52 PM
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I've missed you all
So, I am in the process of buying a home. I got divorce finalized, and life is good. Just lonely at times. I will keep checking in when I can.
Posted: 02/24/2015 8:46 PM
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SITE SUPTR
SITE SUPTR