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Confessions
This is the place to get it all out! Tell us what's on your mind. What's the worst thing you've done for your addiction? What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your addiction? How have you been affected because of someone else's addiction? How has your life as an addict affected the ones you love? Reading and writing these confessions help us realize the impact that the addictions have over all of us. When posting your confession, you can choose to remain anonymous or let others see your profile name as to bring about discussions.
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I haven't been on much. The End of school year crescendo is keeping me busy. Every day, as I live with my daughter's addiction I hear your voices of comfort, and am thankful. Easter day was uneventful. I am so grateful for that. My AD is living at a cabin several hours away. It is not remote, not too far from several small towns. One of our dogs is living with her. I do not know if she is sober or not sober. i do not know if she is in treatment or not in treatment. Ignorance is not bliss; the details of her life are not my responsibility. If she continues to use, it will come to pass that we find out; it will be clear. If she is sober, this too will become clear, as her life will begin to emerge, to make sense, to be healthy. She had a car accident, a minor one. We do not have collision insurance on the 15 year old junker she was driving, so, until she gets a job and can pay to have it fixed or buy herself a different car, she is driving a very junky junker. Such is life. She isn't complaining. After the accident, she dealt with the insurance co. A few days ago I had a huge argument with her. I said I had found the names of 3 doctors who prescribed the Vivitrol shot. She said I don't want to talk about addiction right now. I said well, I do. and it went quickly down into cursing and screaming from there. Me doing all the cursing and screaming. She later apologized. And she was first of us to do so. After thinking and thinking, I realized the Vivitrol was my idea, my dream for her sobriety, my expectation, my desperate desire. ( and here, Missymae, I kept hearing your voice...stay away from those expectations...). I have to let it go, let it go, let it go... So, I apologized, and told her I would give her the names and numbers of the doctors, then it was up to her, if she wanted to go that route. I said I would help her get insurance to cover the shot if she asked for my help. I also said I would not bring it up again. This is hard. Let go. Let her fall. Let her fly. All this letting go without a shred of trust in her, of her. Posted: 04/09/2012 10:36 AM
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SITE SUPTR
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 LIFECOACH
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I don't know much about prescription aids. I think Methadone is the only one that gets the most attention in the news. but I do know the frustrations that parents (especially Mothers) go through. I pray you will eventually find the peace that we all want for our families. Posted: 04/09/2012 12:49 PM
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Cathy, My heart aches for you...This is pain you as a mother must endure, it hurts to sit back and watch self destruction with our children... I am so happy you are here to share your ups and downs... Praying your daughter finds comfort with being clean and sober soon. Posted: 04/09/2012 1:24 PM
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I heard someone say that they didn't know if they could "let their addict go" but they thought they could "let them be". I have a hard time letting go also. Posted: 04/09/2012 4:06 PM
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Thank you all. I think I want the Vivitrol...an opiate blocker, I am so tired of opiates in my life, I want them to be gone. Blocked. See, there I am...I want the Vivitrol. And all those 'I's are telling. It is what I want, not what my daughter seeks. So, I have to let that go. It is not in my purview. Not my life, not my addiction, not my recovery. I like the phrase: Let her be, instead of let her go. I don't want to let her go. It is too sad. Letting her go is symbolically letting her die. I am not ready to do that, even if it is figuratively. I can let her be. This too is hard, and it is something I can do. Posted: 04/09/2012 8:46 PM
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229 Thanks
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Hi Kathy My son is also an alcoholic and I have desperately wanted him to take the vivitrol shots..he says he does not want a crutch and will do it with AA..I realize that I want him to take the vivitrol because I need to be free of the alcohol...I totally understand how much you need this..I know I have gotten to the point that I hate alcohol so much that even going to a family fu nction makes me sick if people are just social drinking...but you are right this is My problem and My reaction to his addiction and I must learn to let him be too...God Bless Posted: 04/09/2012 10:22 PM
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| Hi Cathy, you're right, the I's are not Productive, it is all her. I sound like a broken record but I don't believe a maintenance drug therapy is the way to go for long term sobriety. Her thinking has to change, surrendering herself and embracing the 12 steps is what I see working for Melissa. She is a different person, different friends, helping other addicts and involved in many sober activities. No doctor's involved, just pure determination and will.
Posted: 04/13/2012 7:53 AM
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SITE SUPTR|
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