This is the place to get it all out! Tell us what's on your mind. What's the worst thing you've done for your addiction? What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your addiction? How have you been affected because of someone else's addiction? How has your life as an addict affected the ones you love? Reading and writing these confessions help us realize the impact that the addictions have over all of us. When posting your confession, you can choose to remain anonymous or let others see your profile name as to bring about discussions.
I haven't been on much. The End of school year crescendo is keeping me busy. Every day, as I live with my daughter's addiction I hear your voices of comfort, and am thankful.
Easter day was uneventful. I am so grateful for that.
My AD is living at a cabin several hours away. It is not remote, not too far from several small towns. One of our dogs is living with her. I do not know if she is sober or not sober. i do not know if she is in treatment or not in treatment. Ignorance is not bliss; the details of her life are not my responsibility. If she continues to use, it will come to pass that we find out; it will be clear. If she is sober, this too will become clear, as her life will begin to emerge, to make sense, to be healthy.
She had a car accident, a minor one. We do not have collision insurance on the 15 year old junker she was driving, so, until she gets a job and can pay to have it fixed or buy herself a different car, she is driving a very junky junker. Such is life. She isn't complaining. After the accident, she dealt with the insurance co.
A few days ago I had a huge argument with her. I said I had found the names of 3 doctors who prescribed the Vivitrol shot. She said I don't want to talk about addiction right now. I said well, I do. and it went quickly down into cursing and screaming from there. Me doing all the cursing and screaming.
She later apologized. And she was first of us to do so. After thinking and thinking, I realized the Vivitrol was my idea, my dream for her sobriety, my expectation, my desperate desire. ( and here, Missymae, I kept hearing your voice...stay away from those expectations...). I have to let it go, let it go, let it go...
So, I apologized, and told her I would give her the names and numbers of the doctors, then it was up to her, if she wanted to go that route. I said I would help her get insurance to cover the shot if she asked for my help. I also said I would not bring it up again.
This is hard. Let go. Let her fall. Let her fly. All this letting go without a shred of trust in her, of her.
Posted: 04/09/2012 10:36 AM
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