Confessions

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It is Christmas Eve

I remember vividly the Christmas season during my addiction. None of it seem to matter, but there were flashes of kindness and community.  We all heard about a Cdinner put on by some church especially for the homeless. Somebody took me along. We ate home cooked food, served to us by women from the church.  We received a gift bag with socks and ginger bread. We did not look up from our plates .   We held hands around the rtable during the prayer, but that was almost too much for me. Too much closeness;  too much kindness.  I had to leave.  So did most of the addicts.
I realize now what caused my illness:  feeling too much.  Too much shame, too much guilt, too much empathy for others.  I could never turn it off.  Morphine put a warm blanket over my pain.  It took me years to find the reason to shake off that blanket.  Like my father always said:  what does not kil you,makes you stronger.

Merry Christmas and peace on Earth!

Freyja

Posted: 12/24/2016 9:10 AM

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