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why do addicts do what they do

why do addicts turn on the people who love them and try to help them

Posted: 03/23/2011 11:16 AM

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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

That is a great question?  Why? Well like I have learnt from experience and being on this site, is that it is a disease, they either want help or they don't.   My husband decided that he did not want to get help and passed away 2 months ago.  I don't think when I look back at the big picture, that he truly wanted to lie and deceive me.  I don't think he really wanted to hurt me, I just think that he did not want to ask me to help him again.  He had already been to rehab 1 year ago.  I think in away he did love me, but he had lived in disfunction for so long he could not let go of the past.  He wanted everyone to pay for his pain.  I had learnt that I could not change him, he could only change himself.  He left me his mess.  But I have learnt through this site and going to meetings that it is not my mess and that if I want to live, I have to let go.  I hope that you continue on here and learn from all the wonderful people here that have taught me that I am important.  Hugs Brenda

Posted: 03/23/2011 2:47 PM

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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

Hi Newbie,

Well, they either turn on them or use them shamelessly. The world an addict lives in is drastically altered.  Reality slips away.  It's like living in a tunnel.  On one end is the addict himself, at the other end is the fix he needs.  In between is only grey stuff.  That may be you, the kids, the job, the neighbors, all unimportant grey stuff.  if you interrupt his path to the next fix, you will get yelled at, ignored, blown off, lied to to get you to shut up.  When he gets his fix, the world may swim back into focus for a while and he will be almost normal.  Then we, the loved ones, start hoping again, making plans, getting promises.  But don't kid yourself, within hours he is at one end of the tunnel again and the whole thing starts over.

Some drugs, like crack, only last a few minutes, some, like heroin a few hours.

Please stay here and read and leanr all about the addiction and what you must do or not do to protect yourself. 

This is the view from here!  My using days are long over but the memories do not fade away.  I am so glad you are here.

Tangled

Posted: 03/23/2011 3:50 PM

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SOBER COACH
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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

Addicts turn on family or people who love them because while in active addiction an addict doesnt even love themself. The only "love" or worry in their life is their drug. Everything else doesnt really matter, while in active addiction people that loved me were easier to manipulate and use then people that didnt love me... so i used and manipulated the ones who loved me the most till they grew sour and moved on to the next person to use. I only wanted my way, my choices and motives were irrational but it all seemed to make perfect sense in my screwed up head.

I didnt even know how much i hurt the ones that loved me until i actually got into recovery. While in active addiction i turned a blind eye to it all and numbed most emotions down.

Also people that wanted to "help" me pissed me off because i didnt have a problem the only help i needed was money or anything to make my life in active addiction easier for me.

Posted: 03/23/2011 5:38 PM

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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

That is the nature of addiction. The person in active addiction does not think clearly. They do and say things they would never consider doing or saying, were it not for the influence of the substance they are using.  It changes their brain chemistry, it changes how they act, what they say, and think. As personal as it is, try to remember they are very very ill.

Posted: 03/23/2011 9:55 PM

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LIFECOACH
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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

Ditto to all the above. They turn on their loved ones who try to stand between them and their true love..(drug of choice). Ever heard the song "Devil In A Bottle"? Good song. Addicts lie, cheat, and steal, just to get their fix. Please keep posting here. We will do our best to help.

Posted: 03/24/2011 5:17 PM

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SOBER COACH
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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________

Posted: 03/24/2011 8:06 PM

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GURU
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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

Because the people that care about us are the easiest targets.

Sad but true. Self loathing and self sabotage are also very big symptoms of the disease. The disease of addiction wants us to suffer and die and what better way to achieve that goal than to make us hurt people that we love and then have to medicate our feelings of guilt and shame for having done so. It's all part of a very vicious circle.

Good news is that that particular circle can be broken.

Posted: 03/25/2011 1:32 AM

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SOBER COACH
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In Response to: why do addicts do what they do

 "Because the people that care about us are the easiest targets."- WIll_W

so unfortunate but so very true, that point i dont think can be emphasized enough....

Posted: 03/25/2011 3:51 AM

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