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33 Thanks

help me understand

why do addicts tend to wanna hang around and do thimgs for people that they know are worthless.....for instance my sons dad uses cocaine and is also an alcoholic the female he chooses to hang out with and take care of smokes weed is homeless and has 3 kids for three different guys

 

Posted: 11/23/2011 11:05 AM

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LIFECOACH
844 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

Hello Newbie,

your answer short version: because he's an addict.

Addicts want to be where the dope is. Your are not his first love, his dope is. His children are not his first love, his dope is.

Sorry That is the long and short of it. My son is a meth addict.

My son could have a nice stable and happy home but..... he cant live here and do dope.

This my dear is not your fault....

Do not believe in the addict's lies, this is all about the dope and the addict.

Unfortunately the only thing you can do for him is pray.

But.... you can change your behaviors, and not enable him any longer, you can set boundaries and stand firm.

Coming here and getting the tools you need to aid your recovery.

Addiction is a family disease, we get as sick as the addict.

Take care and please come back and post more, it will make you feel better.

Posted: 11/23/2011 1:18 PM

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761 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

 I am an addict and KJ just hit the ball out of the park. I would add one more thing misery loves company.

Posted: 11/23/2011 2:19 PM

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SOBER COACH
980 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

My exact words I was thinking, Jack - "Misery loves company"!  His addiction simply cannot flourish with someone who doesn't use.  Addiction cannot flourish in the atmoshere of happiness; emotional well-being; healthy relationships or honesty.

 

Posted: 11/23/2011 5:39 PM

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LIFECOACH
468 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

The above is sooooo true.  It isn't you at all.  It is the addiction speaking and acting. People who aren't straight don't want to hang with the straight ones (sounds like high school, doesn't it?)  Bad behaviors don't change, stories don't change, just the characters playing them out.

This is a quote I love, "we are all here on earth to help others, what the others are here for, I don't know." by w.a. auden.

I highly recommend reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie (all about co-dependency/enabling/detaching.)  It is a strong dose of medicine for us along with this site. So glad you posted. Keep doing so, you have our support and encouragement during these rough times.

Posted: 11/24/2011 5:11 AM

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33 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

thank you all for the responses its glad to know im not out here alone i cant understand this addiction thing i cry more than anything because here i am thinking i have the power to change someone i carry a hurt inside that is unexplainable the happy person i was i let one man single handidly take away from me im confused and just wish i had a little more education on the behavior of a cocaine addict and alcoholic....because when he tells me he loves me trust me i melt but i always thought actions speak louder than words and i promise i have way more bad memories than good ones

 

Posted: 11/24/2011 7:17 AM

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LIFECOACH
347 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

I agree with all of the above. Get yourself to some NA meetings. They will be happy to enlighten you.

Posted: 11/25/2011 8:13 AM

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LIFECOACH
844 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

Newbie, learn all you can about cocaine and addiction because knowledge is power. The more you know the less you will let this affect your spiritual well being. You cannot love this out of him. It is up to him.

Posted: 11/26/2011 7:17 AM

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SOBER COACH
980 Thanks

In Response to: help me understand

Actions still do speak louder than words. Active addicts are incapable of carrying through with much other than getting their next fix.

Posted: 11/26/2011 3:05 PM

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