Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

My husband is addicted to smoking cigarettes and weed.  He has surrounded himself with nothing but "friends" who smoke with him and often suplly him.  He leaves me with our kids EVERY night.  He denies that he is addicted or at the very least, he acts like it's not a big deal. 

In fact, MOST people act as though it's not a big deal. "It's just weed", "It's harmless".  I recently checked our bank account for this month and did some calculations...$462 gone up in smoke LITERALLY! (all his cash withdrawals, cigarette and rolling paper purchases).  We have 3 kids and we live paycheck to paycheck.  I'm so close to being done with this marriage.  Is there ANY hope for him?  What can I do? I'm terrified that our kids are going to end up just like him!

In addition to this, he's been increasingly emotionally and verbally abusive toward me.  I feel like I'm losing my mind. 

I guess I'm just looking for support and general information. 

Posted: 04/25/2012 11:49 AM

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 The problem is he does not think its a problem. I used to smoke weed and hashish back in high school and university and it was not seen as a big deal but it seemed we all outgrew it. The guys still smoking daily later in life I would meet were kind of pathetic losers without a lot of ambition. Then again I got hooked on painkillers in my 40s so maybe it says somthing about my weekness when it comes to drugs in general. Here is the deal, you need to decide if you want to live with someone who has no intention of quitting. You will never make him quit, he has to want to. You can give him options of quitting or moving out but he will probably try to be sneaky about it. You may try asking him to stop for a month to see if he feels more healthy and gets more energy and less lethargic. He may embrace it and he may not. Just try to come to grips with the fact you can not love someone out of addiction. I am sorry for your perdicament. Good luck and take care.

Posted: 04/25/2012 12:10 PM

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Here goes my sermon again. Get to Alanon or Nar-Anon. That's help for yourself. And you're right. The children Will, not Can be affected. If old enough, they can go to Alateen Or NaraTeen (fewer of them). When I lived in Northern California and was going to Alanon & my daughter was small (yes, same daughter), there was only 1 meeting that had child care, believe it or not. I eventually became the literature person & treasurer of that group. But the point is, other women in other meetings told me, "If you really need a meeting, & the baby is fussing, someone here will help you by walking the baby around the outside of the church!" Wow! that's the king of practical compassion that's there!

Posted: 04/25/2012 1:37 PM

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Welcome, I am one who has mixed feelings about weed, for an addict no it will lead to other things, for someone who smokes as much as your husband seems to, absolulely a problem. I never have believed that weed was addicting, people just like to smoke it. I could be wrong. I grew up in the 70's. Most of us did grow out of it,  if it is a problem for your family, your relationship and his behavior, then it ia a problem and you need to decide whether you are willing to live with it. If it is weed alone, I think an adult dialog could happen.

Posted: 04/25/2012 2:27 PM

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Lots of great advise above....The only thing I will add is about verbal and emotional abuse! This is not acceptable whether your husband is sober or not, smoking cigarettes or not, just not aceptable ever! This can hurt more than physical abuse.....

Get out and save yourself from this heartache! Ninety five percent of abusive partners never change...Actually the percentage may be higher, it has been awhile since I have done research.,,, I was an abused woman once and it almost cost me my life,,,We drank together....Hellooooo!!!!!! Wake up call, he almost killed me, put me in the hospital...

...

Posted: 04/25/2012 5:03 PM

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I also responded to your post over on Confessions also. I re-iterate that children with the family disease are at greater risk of becoming enablers or addicts themselves. It is truly where nature meets nurture.

Posted: 04/25/2012 5:40 PM

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PS. Just re-read your post. Over $460 out of your bank account is Financial Abuse to you and the children! It would be a nice beginning to some Child Support and/or Alimony for your family. Think about it: what could you use that money for, new shoes for the kids, food,  home repair? If he's serious about keeping his family together, tell him to get a cheaper, safer hobby!

Posted: 04/25/2012 5:49 PM

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