Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

Back to Search

5 Thanks

Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?
Let me first apologize for the long post. Those that stick through to the end, thank you. My boyfriend is a recovering addict and he's slipped a few times over the years so I get a little on edge when I find random things that make me suspicious. I've suspected a relapse lately, sadly. On a positive note, they aren't happening as regularly as before, more time in between. However, he's also become sneaker when they happen which depresses me. Anyways, because of the suspicion (and other things that have happened) I took my car and left to look through it. We share a car and I have found things strategically hidden before. I took off the dashboard, the part with the radio (super simple) and there was this brown paper thing. Sturdier than paper with a shiny side and a dull side. From top to bottom in the center of the paper there was brown semi sticky...stuff...on it. I confronted him and he said it was nothing, which I expected either way. The next day I asked him where the paper thing was. He said he threw it away. I asked if he would mind if I looked at it, said it should be on the top (it should have been). It wasn't there. I kept removing items when he started becoming aggravated at me, telling me that I'm worried over nothing and acting like a psycho. I ignore his comments and continue my search. It wasn't. About halfway down I found it. All the brown stuff but a little smudge was gone. I also found a crumpled up cigarette foil that had a really strange look to it. As if the dull side had a "layer" burned off but not really "burned". I would show picutres if there was an option. It's hard to describe these things. Anyways, I know it's a long shot but I just need to know if I'm letting my crazy get the best of me or if I should be more concerned. Anything would help, thank you.

Posted: 04/18/2015 2:23 PM

Received 4 Thanks for this Post

1587 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Trust your gut. If his answers don't make sense, then you are probably right to worry. Hang in there while waiting for more people to answer your question. Not everyone logs on each day, but over the next day or so, you will get more answers.

Posted: 04/18/2015 3:29 PM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

461 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

I would be very worried too.

Posted: 04/19/2015 9:22 AM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

LIFECOACH
2710 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Hello and welcome, when I first starting reading your post, I thought marihuana comes in oil or like a brown paste, wax like, but when you said burnt paper I thought heroin? crack? meth?. If you really want to know, next time you find anything with any residue drop it in a small cup with warm water and put a rapid drug test stick in it. It works, and you'll know. You know the truth, our guts are always right, and it will get progressively worse. Time to figure out what you are going to do, because you can't control what he is doing, it's too powerful, addiction is. Educate and save yourself. Let us know, we have been there and we care.

Posted: 04/19/2015 2:05 PM

Received 2 Thanks for this Post

5 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Thank you so much for the advice about the rapid test. I never thought to ever do that. It makes so much sense. Are there any particular brands you would recommend? I was thinking either heroin or meth when I saw it but I'm clueless on how it would be used in that form. I only know what I've seen with him before and all of this is brand new. He did admit last week to using meth and saying that he "was stupid and liked to think it wasn't really using". The logic of someone who is addicted still continues to blow my mind. He tested positive for that on the drug test. He's NEVER tested positive for it ever before. This whole situation just opened doors that I wasn't prepared for. He's always been a "one trick pony" in the sense that it's always been opioids of some sort, pills or heroin. It's taken me 3 years to become knowledgeable on those, i don't know what to do with a third. Especially since it's essentially the opposite of the others!! He was just doing sooo well. I was finally beginning to feel "at ease", as much as you can, I guess, ha. I'm just at a loss. He's such a great person and dad when he's sober. It's so conflicting. Thank you to those who replied. I appreciate it.

Posted: 04/19/2015 9:11 PM

Received 0 Thanks for this Post

1539 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

It may have been black tar heroin... The burned foil could also be related to heroin use.

You are right to worry.  He has relapsed. 1. Establish your boundaries.  How much will you tolerate? Stick to your limits, and whatever consequences you determine you need.

Do not complain about what you tolerate. That was your decision not his.

Do as Marty sugggested and make a plan for your future. Include in that futre at least two options:

My future with an active addict:_________________

My future without an active addict:______________________

Notice that I stated what you should do in terms of you, not him.  You cannot change him, cure him, nor did you cause his addiction or cause him to use.  Period.

Posted: 04/19/2015 11:48 PM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

LIFECOACH
2710 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Just go to any pharmacy and get a multiple panel drug test. I would just like to say to you that there is hope, but the first step for him is that he recognizes he has a problem and he is powerless against it. My daughter was close to death just a few years ago, her boyfriend, a drug dealer, in and out of jail. She had to hit bottom, go to detox, rehab, halfway house and sober living, she had to cut off every friend, including her boyfriend. She had to move out of town. She works at her sobriety everyday, helping others stay clean and working the 12 steps with her sponsor. So far she is a success story, but she is only a relapse away from it all going away. It is hard work to stay sober but I believe it is way harder to be an active addict. just don't think because he does well for a while he is cured. It is far from the truth.

Posted: 04/20/2015 5:21 AM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

LIFECOACH
1671 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

One who Has Nothing to Hide, Hides Nothing. (Behind the Dashboard: Clever. But, not More Clever than the average Addict.) Yes, most addicts DO Have a Drug of Choice. But given the Choice, They'll do Any Drug. An Addict is an Addict is an Addict.  I Know. My Daughter's DOC was Meth. But she Died of a Heroin Overdose last year.

Posted: 04/20/2015 10:51 AM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

5 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Thanking again for the responses. I didn't mean to complain, I understand that I chose to be with him and it's also my choice to leave. Just venting, really. I have limited people to talk to in these situations and sometimes my emotions get overwhelming after a while and what comes out tends to be the blunt, cliffs notes version of what's going on in my head. I posted my original post because the items I found I've never really had to deal with before...needles, check. Makeup that's not mine, check. Pills, check. Weird paper with random residue...? Hmm. We've been together for a few years now and I would be just fine if it were just me. But we have a baby. I can handle the dumb things that can happen but I don't want my child to have to see it and possibly remember it. Or worse have them taken away from me because of some drug related situation that gets out of control. That's how I found this site, because I'm trying to figure out how deep this could be. Desperation often results in google, for me. :)

Posted: 04/20/2015 9:24 PM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

1587 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Study up on "boundaries" as it relates to setting boundaries with an active addict.  Boundaries are not rules for him to follow because you can't control another person anyway.  Boundaries is actually behavior that you are or are not willing to tolerate.  It's about YOU and what YOU will allow.  This way of thinking is not natural.  It is more natural to want to help HIM.  Nar-Anon or Al-Anon support group meetings for you are a huge help.  With kids that isn't always easy to get to a meeting.  I find that meetings along with this website have been a life saver for me. 

 

Posted: 04/21/2015 5:45 AM

Received 2 Thanks for this Post

LIFECOACH
1671 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

 Yes, it's not always easy to go to meetings with little ones. I was incredibly fortunate when we lived in Santa Cruz. There was actually 1 Alanon meeting in the county that had Child Care! They paid a person, just like paying rent to the facility. And once, when my little one was even smaller, an Alanon member told me, "If you really Need to be here, there will always be someone to walk her around until you're done speaking." Amazing, huh?

Posted: 04/21/2015 1:56 PM

Received 0 Thanks for this Post

5 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Sorry for the absence, little one somehow got the stomach bug...I've never had to deal with him being sick, sick like that before (by the grace god haha) so it's been a bit intense the last couple days. I was hoping, when I stumbled upon this site, that a former addict would tell me if what I found was something to be worried about or just my paranoia. But I am so thankful for having the answers I've received. They may not have been the exact answer I was looking for and they may have been things I already "knew" but they're all responses I probably need to hear again, with *new* ears. Im just scared because, like I said before, it's always been one drug family. The fact that it's professing into different drugs and effects scares the hell out of me. I've only dealt with one family....and if he's switching MO's when life was good.....it's terrifying to think what that means. There are enough demons in his original situation. And also, I do want to hel HIM but HIM happens to involve our child. And his actions influence our little one. So, yes, I am here supporting him and being there but if it could screw up our kid...?! No way. I'm not putting a child through what I'm dealing with ESPECIALLY since it's their father. I understand being the for an addict bit I'm not going to willingly subject my little one to these memories or these thoughts when they shouldn't have to. Just because III want something or HEEE wants something doesn't mean we have to drag out little kid through it. These are older people problems....and that's why I'm here. To either rationalize my feelings or disregard them or hold on to them and just be cautious.

Posted: 04/23/2015 11:40 PM

Received 0 Thanks for this Post

LIFECOACH
2710 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Just remember, it's a fine line between enabling and helping. The best help you can give is no help,sometimes you have to turn and walk away temporarily to save a life. Take it from a mother who had 2 other kids and an addict and the same kids and an addict husband/ their father. The damage is done, it's deep and kids absorb and learn from what they see and live. Protect your daughter, think with your head and not your heart. I regret many years of not doing that. Yes be worried, it's a progressive disease. It will get worse.

Posted: 04/24/2015 2:53 AM

Received 0 Thanks for this Post

322 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

Meth,crack, or heroin. Please know you are in the right place here. I was desperate a few years ago and this site was the only place, and still is where i get the answers i need. Please take care of u and your little one.

Posted: 04/24/2015 8:19 PM

Received 1 Thanks for this Post

1539 Thanks

In Response to: Are these items to be worried about or am I losing my mind?

The disease is addiction. It is not addiction to alcohol or addiction to meth or addiction to whatever. Yes. People with the disease of addiction usually have a specific drug. However they also will do whatever drug is currently available including cough syrup. Also your normal is what my normal used to be: searching through items looking for proof, including taking off car dashboards. I learned: I don't need proof. I know what I know from experience. So do you. It is not peaceful to have to be searching for proof constantly and then being told that you are wrong. It is not ok for your child to grow up in the midst of this kind of scenario. You and your child deserve peace and a bit of normalcy without the chaos of an active addict No one here including me, is judge mental. We understand that we each do what we need to do in regard to the addict in our lives. There really is no one right answer.

Posted: 04/27/2015 7:40 PM

Received 2 Thanks for this Post

 

Reply to Question

 

Back to Search


 
 
 
 
Disclaimer: The information provided on this web site is not intended to be medical advice or addiction counseling; rather, it is provided solely as information of a general nature relating to addictions and people affected by addictions. Please note that your access to, and use of, Askanaddict.com is subject to additional terms and conditions. Click here for terms and conditions for the use of this web site.
© Copyright - Ask an Addict - All rights reserved - Terms of Use - Privacy Policy