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Visiting in this case..help or hindrance?
It's been a tumultuous several months to say the least. My father declined & died Aug 27 & my mom has been moved to hospice care. My daughter is getting married Oct 24 out-of-town so I was planning a wedding shower and my dad's memorial service/luncheon together. I am in charge of my parent's estate so there is no end to paperwork. I won't go into all the gory details but suffice it to say as my dad was taking his last breath, my son found it an opportunity to double his efforts to elicit $, shelter and even a train ticket (which he cashed in). My stress has been so high that my Blood Pressure is not under good control again..I have been feeling wretched. To the point..we stopped responding to anything AD demanded or accused after his short stint (on our $) in yet another hotel so he could "work" (which he didn't and was also our fault for not giving him enough "bus" money). We just stopped answering anything and so AD is now in downtown Detroit at a large Salvation Army shelter with a 180 day work program. I looked it up..it is a nice, clean, safe place that takes care of all his needs as long as he complies with the program. He called to say he got down there and then proceeded to use his "I'm going to my execution" voice and saying he can't believe we would let him "fall so far." I wasn't biting, just wishing him success and telling him I believe he is strong enough to change his life if he wants to. The question I have is about visiting. He wanted me to know he can have no contact except for Sunday afternoon visitors. I have always felt that seeing us or even speaking to us sets him back..he usually has used it as an opportunity to elicit sympathy, money & guilt. I certainly won't be going this month but should I go at all? I have always shown love & support but he has always interpreted that as an opening of some kind. If he sticks with this, he will be there over the holidays. Should I go then? This has been going on for 10 years now and all I can think is 180 day respite for us and an outside chance he gets it together by participating in a longer program. If I thought it would help..I'd go. I'm afraid it will hurt his chances of success.
Posted: 10/06/2015 9:57 AM
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In Response to: Visiting in this case..help or hindrance? visiting him would hurt you! Haven't you been through enough pain? Only if he has a substantial amount of clean time and he is truly in recovery should you visit. If you go, in his mind he's still has you. Posted: 10/07/2015 5:00 AM
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In Response to: Visiting in this case..help or hindrance? I kind of felt this in my gut..that going would not be the right thing. He only tugs on me with how lonely he is..he lives a life of lies and using people so he has no real friends anymore that really know him. I know he needs to make new friends and get his support from the recovering community. He just has a way of making me feel very sorry for him...I will take my respite and pray for him everyday to make the most of this opportunity. There have been so many.. Posted: 10/07/2015 7:45 AM
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In Response to: Visiting in this case..help or hindrance? Enjoy one day at a time each day he is in the program. The best nights sleep I got in the last 13 years was whiley son was in jail. I knew where he was and that gave me peace. Posted: 10/08/2015 8:35 AM
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In Response to: Visiting in this case..help or hindrance? He already left (or got kicked out). That was quick. Posted: 10/08/2015 7:32 PM
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LIFECOACH
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In Response to: Visiting in this case..help or hindrance? There's your Answer, and further proof that he's Not Serious About Recovery. Posted: 10/08/2015 11:05 PM
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326 Thanks
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In Response to: Visiting in this case..help or hindrance? He really isn't..and he is burning every bridge.. Posted: 10/09/2015 11:01 PM
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