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Jail or Rehab? How did we get here?
Our 23 yr old daughter is on probation for possession with the intent to sell. She just finished a year for a DUI, she has had periods where she has done really well with either AA or counseling. She is supposedly going to counseling now, but who knows. We recently found out she is using cocaine again and are trying to decide whether to call her PO and let her go to jail or tell her she has the option of rehab. After years of guilt and excuses, we realize we have been a crutch. How do you decide which is better? We want her to get better, but her past has showed us she can do anything and play any game for as long as she needs to. My husband believes she need to take responsibility and go to jail. This probably sounds very cold, but it is with a broken heart and devastated spirit that I write this. I could really use some advice on where to start. Broken Mom

Posted: 11/24/2015 3:06 PM

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In Response to: Jail or Rehab? How did we get here?

I'm so sorry. I've walked this path for a long time. My son is now 46 days clean & sober & doing well this time. He is almost 29. All I can say is she will not make real progress unless she wants to, until she is ready. You shouldn't be in a position of having to decide if she gets reported to her P.O. You shouldn't be living with an active addict. It's trying to rationally respond to the irrational. You can encourage her to go to rehab but you can't make her. You just have to remove yourself from the equation. Let her know if she continues to use & she is not actively seeking recovery, she has to make other living arrangements. And mean it. Then, get help for yourselves so you can cope with all this and respond appropriately. My son was very determined to keep using (alcohol and cocaine). The program that really reached him is called SMART Recovery, it's a more cognitive approach. Maybe she can change it up a bit. Regarding jail..read this letter from a young lady to the judge sentencing her boyfriend and childhood friends..http://www.commonsnews.org/site/site05/story.php?articleno=11929&page=1#.VlHTMF88LCT Also, I recommend Valerie Silveira's book ..Still Standing After All the Tears..she also has a website & Facebook page.

Posted: 11/24/2015 4:23 PM

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326 Thanks

In Response to: Jail or Rehab? How did we get here?

I'm reposting so it doesn't run into the side ads. I'm so sorry. I've walked this path for a long time. My son is now 46 days clean & sober & doing well this time. He is almost 29. All I can say is she will not make real progress unless she wants to, until she is ready. You shouldn't be in a position of having to decide if she gets reported to her P.O. You shouldn't be living with an active addict. It's trying to rationally respond to the irrational. You can encourage her to go to rehab but you can't make her. You just have to remove yourself from the equation. Let her know if she continues to use & she is not actively seeking recovery, she has to make other living arrangements. And mean it. Then, get help for yourselves so you can cope with all this and respond appropriately. My son was very determined to keep using (alcohol and cocaine). The program that really reached him is called SMART Recovery, it's a more cognitive approach. Maybe she can change it up a bit. Regarding jail..read this letter from a young lady to the judge sentencing her boyfriend and childhood friends..http://www.commonsnews.org/site/site05/story.php?articleno=11929&page=1#.VlHTMF88LCT Also, I recommend Valerie Silveira's book ..Still Standing After All the Tears..she also has a website & Facebook page.

Posted: 11/24/2015 4:25 PM

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