Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

it has been a very long journey for me and my AD. although she has been clean as far as I know for awhile, day to day still brings a small amount of fear that she could usse again. In this time I have realized a few very important thins that I think are imperitive to a loved one of an addict. The family as a whole is sick. the closest to the addict ( i will say mother as we are usually the nurturer by nature) are thee worst! We by instinct want to aid our injured, sick child. this is "norma." in a situation where a child has the mumps, flu, diabetes we "help," except they still have choices. let us look at a diabetic child. when they are young, we can controll their food, insulin etc. If the diabetic child moves out as an adult we no longer have that control. they now have to choose their food,sugar intake, Dr. appt. and insulin. we usually do not hoover in that situation. if the diabetic adult child does not do as the Dr. directs we lecture, and maybe talk to a doctor. we know we can not control that situation. but now let us look at being the mom of an addict. We become as sick as the addict, the first sign, is we do not see it. Much like the addict. Even more detached family sees us as "crazy." We become sick in many ways. First we obsess with who they are with, where they are at. A mom of a diabetic worries, but we are not in a car looking at every restruant to see if they are eating pudding with an over eating friend. ( as an example). Or scoping out every bakery in town if they are not home when we call. but if an addict is using we will jump into a car at all ungodly hours of the night to just see if they are with a "bad" friend. or if they are at the local trap house. We will put ourselves in jeopardy to see if they are "OK" while driving through an unsafe area, alone at night. WHY? we become crazed with making sure they are OK. We soon begin to slowly loose ourselves. As we see the loss in an addicts eyes our loves ones see us ( mother, wife Father Hubby of a loved one) fade away also. So now we have the begining of a domino effect. The addict drifts, the mother drifts also. Now we have the dynamic of the spouse who is left to just sit back and watch thier child and spouse drift away into the sea of addiction. Arguing is par for the course, distance between family members becomes the norm now. Other shildren ( siblings or or other minors in the home) become resentful. WHY? and that is the question, why do we allow it to happen? In the YEARS of going through this I learned I loved my AD enough to let her make her choices. it was a very HARD concept. The anguish ( and that word does not even come close to how I felt in the begining) I used to feel while struggling to let go, do the tough love thing, and to try and balance a family was so much weight on me. I thought I would not survive, much like the addict themselves feel. I felt pain, fear, and guilt, much like an addict. In the end, I have learned the lesson that I loved my AD enough to STOP MYSELF from "helping" and let her learn the lessons she needed to. She is sober to the best of my knowledge. I still pray, I have gotten involved in reaching out to addicts that want help. Helping others has helped me, and I have gained a greater understanding of myself and an addict. I worry, of course. But I do not dwell. I am working on my marraige which suffered immensly. I have a little girl who I need to make time up with. I have educated her greatly about drugs, the consuquences of those choices. I have had her help me hand out naloxone to "sick" people, and stress the importance of making GOOD freinds. She is 7 years old, and NO it is never too soon to talk to your children about any type of danger. I am finding peices of me. I was shatterd into a million fragment when I foumd out my child was an AD. I am putting me back together. I am stronger and wiser. I am compassionate, and gained a better understanding that all families are vulnerable to this disease. i can offer advice, stats, and hope to you. I will end with this.Never stop praying,always have hope,you can not change anyone or how they think but yourself. Do not tolerate what is illegal in your home, car or property. BREATHE, rest, take time for YOU. if you are in the thick of it remember that is YOUR choice to be in or out, much like the active addict. if you want to understand addiction, as a loved one, look right into the mirror and asses your own self. It is hard but change begins with YOU. God Bless!

Posted: 05/14/2016 10:18 AM

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Hello, Wannarun.  It's been a while.  I hope that you can keep moving in that positive direction.

Posted: 06/02/2016 12:25 AM

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