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I haven't posted in a long time. My son is still using and I am still anxious and depressed; my husband has started to show the same problems. with anxiety and depression.  He is in counseling and we went to a 12-week class on addiction; he hoped to learn the magic words to make my son grow up.

We wake up before 6:00 a.m., even though we are retired, because we are anxious.

My son is working and recently got a raise.  Now he can earn the amount of money he pays for rent in 2 1/2 days, but is still reluctant to do so.   I seldom speak to him; I have had more intimate conversations with people whose names I did not know.  We are polite.  He goes to movies I don't like with his father.  He has no friends.

Our family is shrinking: my mother is dead, her partner is dead, my brothers-in-law are dead, my father-in-law is dead, and his widow has Alzheimer's and is in a wheelchair after a stroke.  She cannot remember what she said five minutes earlier, but she consistently remembers how much she has detested her stepchildren for 35 years.  She has a conservator because of the predatory conduct of her attorney -- she always preferred those who flattered her and she lacked insight into the motives of others.  My two sisters-in-law are widows.  One of them is going into the boutique marijuana growing business, dementia, drugs and drink being the identifying characteristic of my husband's family and my own.

So far as I can tell, my daughter continues free of much of the sorrows of the past.  She is a good friend, wife, and mother; she loves her work.  I trust her judgment more than I trust my own quite often.

The older I get, the more I respect my grandparents, who tried to rescue and protect all of their children and grandchildren.  I hope that I can be as strong as them. 

I recently read some stuff on the internet about resilience.  I am hoping that I can learn how to have more of it.  I wish everyone reading this many more healthy helpings of resilience.  And hope.  I would like some of that please. 

Posted: 06/02/2016 12:21 AM

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Thank you for posting. Resilience seems to be the thing we all need, in the face of this chronic illness. We need to be the survivors. A rehab counselor, who was also a recovering addict, and also a Rabbi was once asked: where is the hope? And where is the miracle (of recovery)?  His answer has stayed with me for many years: I am an example of the miracle, having used heroin for 12 years, and now many years sober. And the hope, the hope is knowing that you ( family members) will be ok no matter what happens. You will be OK. I used to hope that my AD would be ok, and I still fervently wish for that, however now I know, my hope is that I am OK. I can work on that. I can hold onto that. I can do that. 

Posted: 06/26/2016 3:07 AM

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I havent been on in a while.  Hope things are looking up.  I am treating my son like I would treat a next door neighbor who was on drugs.  I'm staying out of his life and out of his business.  It is working very well.

Posted: 09/01/2016 8:40 PM

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Hi! Yes I'm still here too. Still in the same place with AD...but have moved on with the rest of my life. He's still playing the same games, same manipulations, same dysfunctions. I no longer refer to his relapses but my own as I can be going along just fine & have a day where I still obsess over that of which I have no control. My other 3 are growing into fabulous adults and they are a United front when it comes to all of this. 

I could tell stories but there isn't a point to that. He did recently go on a tirade when he found out his brother was working in the same city as him and so AD had to quit his "two jobs" because of this infiltration from his horrible family.Even the other addicts on his Facebook told him he was a whiny attention-seeker who needed to cut the crap. He takes them for what he can as well. 

About a month ago I did go and meet with him and it was an unmitigated disaster that ended in me driving him to hospital psych and calling security to meet me at the door. That was my relapse..it accomplished nothing but the payoff that he can still get mom to run out there even if it will do no good. He had written a suicide note to my 86 year old father in law who just suddenly lost a son and he had just lost his step grandson to addiction & suicide. So my AD, true to form, swoops in to cash in. He told grandpa to pay up or he would be responsible for his death, a note I used to get on a daily basis. This angered me & shook me up. AD is a masterful escalator..

But, I persevere...numb in some ways but ok. I am working on my own health trying some new strategies - determined to get stronger in every way possible. I find a great help to me is Valerie Silviera, founder of Addicts Family. Look into her work & sign up for her battle reminders. She just lost her addict daughter at the end of August, but she has been writing about it at least 10 years.

Stay Gold!

Posted: 10/13/2016 9:15 AM

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