Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

My 19 year old daughter is addicted to herion and now methadone. A few years ago I put her in rehab for cocaine. She says she wants to be drug free, and has her methadone down to 30 mg. getting ready for detox and suboxone. She has been in jail twice....as I know about and has another court date in January. What I need to know, is what should I do as a mother that will truely help my daughter? Who better to ask than those that were addicted.

Posted: 12/06/2010 10:08 AM

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Wecome, you have come to the right place.

The most important thing is to be there if she really wants help. I beleive in being there for our children if they are trying. She will need your support. Get her to a detox and make sure she participates in aftcare. If she is in detox and aftercare her court date might go better. The court may see her trying and let her remain in a progrram. It has to be for the right reasons though. 

I am not an addict but like you a mother of one.

Others will be replying with wonderful advice.

Posted: 12/06/2010 10:40 AM

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The best thing that she could do if its available is go to an inpatient detox like setting. The detox center would get her through the first couple of days which can be the hardest and switch her over to suboxone. Inside the detox center she could learn some things from the group therapy and if any AA/NA meetings are held there she could start the process of attending meetings. The most important thing is after she switches from methadone to suboxone and completely kicks the heroin she will need some type of plan for recovery. Whether is be counseling or NA she needs some type of support net or group that can help her out with the mental part of addiction. After she gets physically better, the mind can still play tricks and lead an addict back to their drug of choice. In NA meetings its easy to find people that are in similar situations that you are in and you can relate to these people. Sometimes just talking about what you are going through can be the best medicine. If she doesnt get into an inpatient detox center she still could see a doctor who could help her with medication detox and step down from methadone it just would take longer and out in the real world there are more temptations,,, but it is still possible.

Suboxone is still addicting but a very safe alternative. After she becomes stable on the suboxone and has a plan of recovery that is working for her then she could think about stepping off the suboxone. But admitting she has a problem and wanting to fix it is the first step, so i hope she can beat her demons and conquer her addiction it is possible if she truly wants it.

What you can do is be there for her through this tough process of detox when she is going through it. Just give her some emotional support and let her know you are there for her getting sober. There is a difference between enabling and supporting but if you are just helping her with emotions and maybe some small things all while she is truly trying to get help i think that would be supporting her. It may not seem like much at the time but just being there for your child while she goes through this can play a big part in the child mind. I know from experience, my parents stopped enabling me, but still supported me when i decided it was time to get sober and although it may have looked as if there love was falling on deaf ears it did help.

Posted: 12/06/2010 1:47 PM

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Be supportive and encourage her. You could call her just to say hi or to tell a joke. Anything to take her mind off the detox. Bring her some nutritious meals if you are able. Just being there will really help her.

Posted: 12/07/2010 1:38 AM

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The truth about this question is not pretty and will not be easy to do. I am speaking as an addict in recovery who found ways to live in active addiction for thirty years.

The most important thing for you to know is that you cannot do anything. Your daughter has to want to do it and do it for herself.

If you really want to help her the best thing you can do is nothing. If an addict is not suffering any negative consequences for their actions they will never see a need to stop. Give her no money,no shelter,no food or clothing...................no support whatsoever.

The wost thing my parents ever did to "help" me was to help me. Addicts are the best manipulators on the planet. I could always find someone to support me. Parents,wife,girlfriends....whatever.

As long as I had someone to provide the basic human needs for me all I had to worry about was getting the next one. I had no need to quit.

I am also going to recommend that the use of drug replacement therapy such as methadone or suboxone is NOT the way to go !!! That just prolongs the agony. When someone does this they are replacing one drug with another and still living in addiction. If she is getting ready to detox from deathadone why would she want to get addicted to another drug ?!? Tell her to say no to the suboxone and stay clean.

I've seen people detox or "kick" on their own,in jail, in rehab without the use of drug replacement therapy. It takes a few days and then it's over. Drug replacement therapy keeps the addict addicted to drugs sometimes for years. If someone is truly ready there is no need for this.

N.A. is the best answer. A newcomer to N.A. needs to not hang around with other newcomers though. A newcomer to 12 step recovery needs to get a sponsor who works the steps and has a sponsor who works the steps who has a ................etc. They need to seek out the people who have years of experience living clean and in recovery,the "winners" and not try to learn from other newcomers who haven't learned anything to share yet.

The solutions to all of lifes problems can be had by working the steps. That is how addicts learn how to live.

None of this is possible though unless the addict themselves have an honest desperation driven desire to do it though.

Good luck to you both.

Check out Naranon to get the help you need for yourself. It is a fellowship of people who's loved ones are caught up in the disease of addiction.

You will also be welcomed at any open meeting of Narcotics anonymous. You might find it interesting how we learn to live and deal with life as it happens instead of running away from it.

Posted: 12/07/2010 1:39 AM

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