Confessions

This is the place to get it all out! Tell us what's on your mind. What's the worst thing you've done for your addiction? What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your addiction? How have you been affected because of someone else's addiction? How has your life as an addict affected the ones you love? Reading and writing these confessions help us realize the impact that the addictions have over all of us. When posting your confession, you can choose to remain anonymous or let others see your profile name as to bring about discussions.

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Showing 10 of 1467, Page 9 of 147 Page 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14
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My son...
My diabetic and addict son came over last night with a hypoglycemic crisis. His sugar was down to 41 (or maybe 61 depending on whose glucometer was used). He was sweating, shaking, vomiting and almost sobbing. This was the first time he's been like this since he got his insulin pump. He is always so careless. Yesterday he ate some Trader Joe Sushi almost certainly past its sell date -- the avocado was turning brown. A gift from a friend??? He was cooking a big meal and gave himself 10 units of insulin, then started vomiting. He never got the benefit of the carbs since he could not hold anything on his stomach, so the 10 units of insulin brought his sugar down too low for safety. A terrible experience, but I was glad that we were close enough to care for him both physically and emotionally. As an insulin dependent diabetic myself (although Type 2 but for 13 years now), I know what hypoglycemia can be like. The description of the sweating etc. just begins to describe it, and even when you seem normal, you're still shaking inside. This was just another reminder that our addicts have other problems besides addiction. I'm not saying if not for diabetes, he wouldn't have an addiction or other problems. But if you are diabetic, having issues with psychoactive substances just puts you in mortal danger. They make the good times bad and the bad times worse, maybe not right away, but eventually. And eventually always comes.

Posted: 08/18/2014 4:57 PM

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Another step forward

My son has agreed to talk with a non-profit organization in my city that helps low wage workers to improve their credit scores, manage bank accounts, set up budgets etc. 

They have a program with incentives to help him save up for a car. 

This is huge for us.  Maybe he won't be living in my backyard storage shed when he's 40!

Posted: 08/17/2014 9:56 PM

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What do I need to learn?
I love this from "Project Happiness"... Stop asking, "Why am I stuck in this situation?" Start asking, "What do I need to learn in this situation?"

Posted: 08/13/2014 11:51 PM

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AD lost his job
AD appears to have lost his job..his first real job ever. I am sorry to say that he did get me out to him. He said he had switched to a better job but they weren't paying him enough for his transportation costs during training (he moved pretty far from his job which makes no sense without a license). Long story short..I went to give him bus fare and he was so drunk and high. He made a huge scene in public and I just wanted to get him home so he got into the car and proceeded to scream at me about how we have wronged him and we made him into what he is. I was physically afraid of him. He belongs in a psychiatric facility or sure seems to when he is under the influence. We let him off way before he got home as he said he would yell things out the window to get us shot and he did. I was scared and emotionally overwrought, so was my sister. He took $30 from me for "food" and then all day today was an onslaught of messages berating me for "throwing him to the wolves." Now we are back to him saying he wants to go to rehab (maybe the 20th time) and he needs money for transitional housing etc. - same story as always. I told him he has job experience now & can work & pay for housing. Of course drinking on the job will not get you a ringing endorsement from your previous employer. I can't seem to just let go..He senses how desperate I am that he work and uses the threat of losing his job to get me to come out there with some money. Today, he tried again with story about broken phone which is "vital" to his job. I said I'd send his brother to pick it up and see to a repair, then all of a sudden he didn't have the phone on him (it's surely in a dozen pieces). He obviously wanted me to run out there with my purse again..lesson #1002..it is up to him to procure and secure his own employment and the terms thereof..

Posted: 08/05/2014 12:21 AM

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UPDATE: giving up will not be tolerated

his birthday is in 16 days. part of me feels bad because i have a very strong urge to give him my NA book from when i went to meeting.... if anything at all. this last go round stems from me expressing how disappointed i am. He had being doing very good and one day some muthuf**ker SEEKS him out to go smoke a "dip" cigarette. after him stating "you embarrassed me" and me explaining "no sir... you embarrassed your self and i will NOT take the blame for your actions" he's resorted to the blocking my number again. after reading ADDICTIVE THINKING; ok, block it. as i told him "you giving up will not be tolerated, and blocking my number means you are giving up" SO that's where we are now.

Posted: 08/01/2014 8:36 AM

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Stop swimming in your own S@&$
It posted before as anonymous..so here goes again. This is a great article for addicts, families and friends..http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14213/3-ways-to-stop-swimming-in-your-own-s.html

Posted: 07/29/2014 6:11 PM

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Stop swimming in your own S@&$
This is a great article for both addicts and families/friends...http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14213/3-ways-to-stop-swimming-in-your-own-s.html

Posted: 07/29/2014 6:08 PM

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Long time coming, little time left
C, my AD, recently ended up in the ER with an MRSA needle infection, from below her elbow to beyond her shoulder. Her arm was 3 to 4 times the size of normal. I met her in the ER. She told me she was dying. She was right. Without treatment, she was within an hour of passing away. Emergency surgery was done. Her life and her arm were saved. She was discharged three days later. She went right back to using I sent an email to her, asking her for an advance directive: her funeral wishes, organ donation, life support desires, etc. I did this bc I need to be prepared. Her body is wearing out. I saw her today at the funeral of an elderly relative, she said she'd been sober for seven days. The surgery was two weeks ago. I hope she is telling the truth, although I doubt it. She seemed ok today. But five days ago she was so out of it my husband could not understand her over the phone. When he hung up he said he felt he should write her obituary, instead of the one he was writing for his uncle. She still Doesn't have full use of her arm. And I got a MRSA infection in my finger from her or from the hospital, and it has taken two weeks to get my finger back to about 50%. Go figure...

Posted: 07/28/2014 10:07 PM

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Good observation/quote

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our heads of how we think it is supposed to be". ---unknown---

I know that is what got me this week.  It's been a rough one. And not from my addict, but from the "good" child.  My addict has "been there" for me during my mother's illness, passing, and now a few weeks later, he's still hanging in there.  That's enough to be thankful for today. 

Letting go of my daughter doesn't mean I will stop caring, it simply means I know I am powerless to make her care. 

 

Posted: 07/19/2014 9:52 PM

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I'm doing well but miss my ex AB

I'm doing well and getting on with my life but still miss my ex AB and worry about him. 

I'm in touch with his brother and sister in law and apparently the ex is just spending all his free time in his bedroom watching films.  Hes not going out or in contact with his friends.  A couple have phoned me as they can't get hold of him.  Hes not seeing any other girls.  He didn't turn up at the 2 birthday parties for his neice or nephew and i know how much he dotes on them both. He just seems to have retreated into himself.

I'm now wondering if i assumed wrongly that hed gone back to drinking and taking drugs after 4 1/2 months.  Maybe hes just depressed. I know his new job was making him tired and stressed. 

I'm still trying to phone him and have sent text to say i'm here if he needs help or support but nothing :(

Posted: 07/19/2014 6:37 AM

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