Confessions

 I am tired. Tired of worry, tired of not sleeping, tired of workin on ME, tired of cooking tired of cleaning, and tired of trying to change my thinking. Why? Because I did not do this, and I am angry. I am angry at the person who brought dope into the life of my family. I am tired of lying that my AD is at college when she is in prison. WHy do I lie, because I have a small child who needs playmates. I hate being judged, condemed, ridiculed byt "the perfect people" I hate I can not pick up the phone and call my child when I want. I hate that she does not want to change. I hate that another young person in my community died from heroin. I hate when I look into the eyes of an addict wether using or clean, they could be one minute away from death. I hate when I see families together although I am sure some sort of dysfunction is there, they are together. I hate that I love my addicted child because with love comes immense pain at times. I hate the memories. Even the good ones because they make me cry just as bad as the bad ones. I hate that ny child has not hit bottom. I hate that she wants to return to the lifestyle. She says to me she doesnt but everything she does in action, speaks volumes. I HATE DRUG ADDICTION. I hate the loiss, pain, endless fighting for a somewhat normal life, I just wnat to breath again, just exhale. I want to rest. I want to be at peace. I am just angry tonight and tomorrow will be a better day as I always turn this around! Thanx for allowing me to vent :)

Posted: 05/01/2015 7:30 PM

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