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8 Thanks

Heroin HELL

I read through all these posts and know there are so many suffering the same as I am as a Mother of an adult daughter that is an addict. My daughter a little over a year ago just decided to leave... to live on the street of all places. I had no clue what happened, where she went or why. For weeks I drove about looking for her, calling the police, hospitals, etc. Only to find out 2 weeks later drugs had won. She left her family, her beautiful daughter that she so loved and now she lives her days house to house. Trap houses is what she calls them... living in places I never thought she would live. Shooting up Heroin or anything else she can get her hands on. In and out of jail and the hospital on a regular basis. I live in constant fear of the dreaded "call". I wake up daily to a text from Jail letting me know the new inmates that were brought in the previous night in hopes shes in there for at least I know shes off the street and safe... ALIVE.

She has become someone I dont even know. Prior to all this my daughter and I were so very close. We spoke 3 to 4 times a day and did so many things together. She had a big loving family that did a lot of things as a family.  Now she calls me screaming and cursing and telling me I don't love her and that shes not good enough and shes never been good enough and says thats why she uses Heroin. Its ALL very hurtful to me as a Mother.

I do NOT know what to do... how to act. I have offered to pay for her to PLEASE go to rehab.. she said no for a year and recently she said yes to rehab... even took her to court to ask the Judge for mandatory rehab, Judge agreed but my daughter went right back to heroin. After that last episode of HUGE disappointment and getting my hopes up for having her back I decided I will no longer take her places like her parole officer that she now has to show up for weekly. I "think" thats the route to take but Im never sure of my actions as she calls and leaves messages of guilt that I  take on easily.  I have told her I love her so much and that I would gladly take her to rehab but until shes ready to help herself and accept rehab I cannot be on this roller coaster life.  I have to pick up the pieces of her 5 year old daughter that does NOT understand where her Mommy went... it ALL breaks my heart. And even why I try to stay away and not talk to her or take her places it eats me alive.

I too PRAY...and Pray HARD that addiciton does NOT win. This is a hell that she lives in as well as I and her whole family watching her take her own life down a path of evil and destruction.

I am a Mother full of grief and dispair. I can't save her and want to so badly. I have no answers... I am distraught, afraid, grieving. What do I do?  How do I not lose my own sanity and life over worry for her? 



Posted: 09/23/2016 1:05 PM

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