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As I write this, my husband and my son are having a conversation.  It's the best conversation I've heard since my husband is saying that we cannot solve his problems.  He's having trouble at work and is likely to be fired without eligiblity for unemployment.  But he's in a rage.  He blames us because he hates everybody, esp. us and his sister.  On and on.  It's the script.  We've been subsidizing his rent yet "I don't want to live here."  So therefore his being late chronically late for work, now for being negligent at work.  His sister has turned us against him, blah blah blah.  This is part of his denial, I know.  But this is so OLD.  It's been going on for 15 years.  My hands are shaking,  I'm almost panting, my heart is racing.  He's on us about his sister getting the house for herself, this has been her goal since they were small etc. etc.  The fact is, she doesn't live in "the house," anymore.  We don't tell him because she doesn't want him to know where she lives in another city and we don't want him to demand a place to live.  The house is rented out to different young people, her former roommates and a few new people. Meanwhile he lives in another house of ours and we're losing $500 to $600 a month without even considering income earning opportunity lost.  We used to make money on the house.  I just hope he doesn't rip it apart.  But it's everyone else's fault, never his. And he NEVER acknowledges that he's late to work, incompetent at work, angry and unhappy all the time BECAUSE he smokes marjuana every day all day.

Posted: 11/13/2016 4:47 PM

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I understand. There is one way I found to survive this kind of conversation: do not engage.  Walk away.  Say what needs to be said one time, then walk away.

When there is no one to argue with, the arguer only has themself.

The adult does not have the last word. It is not necessary to have the last word, especially when the other person is not rational.

If he trashes your house, call the police and press charges. 

You have lived in fear because of him for too long.

Posted: 11/18/2016 10:26 PM

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