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My husband, age 38, and I have been married for almost 15 years and have two wonder children (12 and 14, also special needs). We have a beautiful home, nice cars, a comfortable savings account, he has a very good job that pays around 150,000 a year. The downfall in his line of work is that it takes him away from home weeks at a time. Five days ago, I discovered his drug stash and he told me (only because I held the drug hostage away from the house) that it was meth. Claims he doesn't have a problem, that he's used drugs for years, he has a good job, etc. He left and went back to work then and I don't expect for him to come home again for another 3 to 4 weeks. Since he has been gone, he's texted and called and becomes extremely irrate when I mention talking about the meth situation. Yet, he continues to call and answer when I call. He has since moved 30,000 from our savings, and used an additional 6,000 to pay on his credit card debt. I've seen his statement so I recognize the charges and they all appear normal. I told his dad who told his older brother and they went to visit and talk with him on the fourth day after I found out. He was extremely upset, but managed to talk with them and denied having any problems that he could't handle. He is very angry with me for going to his dad and says he's tired of my snooping and meddling and wants a divorce. I love him very much, but I love the person he used to be, not the person he has become. My son, 12, says he hates him and he's not his dad. I've decided it is best if I take a step back and get out of his way. I am halfway through with my graduate degree, I have 1 1/2 years left. Should I expect him to follow through with the divorce? Should I get boxes and prepack the majority of his belongings? Or should I chalk it up to the drug and decide if I want to make a change in our lives or continue to live as we have done? Everything that I have read suggests that I should get out and not look back, but I haven't given up hope just yet. I'm not very good at tough love, but am desperately trying to just stay out of his way by not calling or texting or even answering all of his phone calls and texts. I suppose I have fears of abandonment and that I lack the strength to move on without him. What advice do you have for me and family?

Posted: 03/18/2017 12:51 PM

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Dear Heartbroken,

I am glad you found us.  I am answering your post although I have no experience with methamphetamines at all.  i read your post several times, looking for certain words and facts.  So, you found his stash of meth.  Did he exhibit bad or irrational behavior before this find, or was it purely coincidental?  I am asking this because of the dubious history of meth and meth use. In WW2 , Korea and vietnam conflict, meth was given to our soldiers, especially fighter pilots and rescue personnel so they could endure the long ours and harrowing experiences without breaking down.

We now regularly give meth to our  ADHD children without qualms.  My grandson, now 19, has been taking meth since 3rd grade.  I worry about his brain functions, but his doctor is ok with it.  So you see, I have to ask: where do you think the healthy savings account, the two cars, the great lifestyle are coming from?  I suspect your husband is enhancing his performance"" with meth and handling it very well. 
Could you have a serious discussion with him about this, after you apologize for getting into his affairs and getting his family involved?     He does not trust you anymore, for good reasons.  In my experience, trust and respect are more important than love in a long lasting relationship, so ask yourself what you can live without.

You have now involved his father and his children in a situation that should have stayed between you two..  I am not sure how to fix that.  Sorry.

I wish you and your husband all the best. 

Freyja

Posted: 04/02/2017 8:05 AM

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