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My disease addiction I

I am an addict and i am 16 years old. I grew up around addicts so I always knew of the drugs. I hated them, I saw heroin steal my mothers soul, my cheecks turning red when she began to nod off in front of the social worker at visits with little sister, driving askin mama to keep her eyes open " the house is just down the street ", finding bloody needles in my room, she must have forgot them there when I asked her to stay with me till I fell asleep. The foil crinkling and burning a smell so sweet always wondered what mama was doing as I sat in the back seat, I just knew what she was doing was taking her from me. I thought it was okay cause I had one stable parent, at least I thought. Dad would drink and go out a lot. He began to stay up more than often and I could tell something was wrong, he was always in deep thoughts, looking at him made me sad. It got worse when he got into a shooting. He started staying up all night listening quietly to every noise in the house then rushing into my room shaking me awake because he hears someone in the closet or bathroom. Flashing lights on me while I slept asking me if I was alright. I felt abandoned, how could the two people I love leave me for the streets and drugs. That's what kept me away from them. Then one day my friend wanted to try smoking meth. I remember when she told me I felt confused, I thought she hated it like we talked about. The guy we stayed with let her smoke from his bubble that day and I sat and watched, I never had the urge to try the drug until that moment 7 months ago and now I am addicted to meth. oh now I get it mom and dad. Look now I'm addicted too I understand why you act like you do. But now im smoking so much dope i don't know if it will stop it even happens in my sleep. I'm losing all my hope, my boyfriend is locked up he keeps begging me to pray he gets less time for his robbery he's only 17. I lied and said I would pray but I quit praying when no one seemed to hear my crys at night asking the lord to bring back my old life when we still had my sister, when mama was smiling all the time, and when dad took me to a movie every single week the easy days when I never touched the tweak 

Posted: 03/10/2017 4:23 AM

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