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About Me

I'm a single mother of two beautiful teenage girls (19 and 15)  I've been divorced and raising my two daughters for 14 years. 

I've been struggling with vicodin on and off for 10 years.  I went years without it up until 2 years ago.  Now I'm up to 4 pills a day and I also drink.   I drink a bottle of wine a night.  I don't get drunk or black out,, it relaxes and numbs me from my pain.  :-( 

 I want to stop this insanity before it totally takes over my life.  I feel I'm in a place where I can stop if I had the right tools without going to rehab. or AA.  Been there, done that and don't  like it!  

My girls have suffered the effects of my addiction over the years.  I have tried to numb myself from all depression that I suffer from, stress of raising two girls on my, and financial hardship of being a single mom. Their dad tries to be a part of their lives, however, he has Parkinson Disease.  He was diagnosed 8 years ago and is going downhill with it over the last few years.   It's been sad for my girls to see their father go from big and strong to reduced down to a 55 year old living in an 80 year old body!   I have alot of anger around them not having a dad and anger over this awful disease! 

 I've ruin relationships with some great men in my life over my addiction as well.  I have a wonderful boyfriend now (5months) who has no idea.  I feel he doesn't even know the real me!  Right now I'm not sure I can love anyone because I don't even love myself!  

 I'm in a place where I desperately want a better life. Is it possible to be happy?  I dont know what that feels like!