Hi Cathy,  Just read your message to me.  Yes, they do it for money.  Pays immediate bills, but in the long run, her bank acct. isn't any larger.  I love Chris Rock and used to laugh at his skit about strippers: he said:  if you're a parent and your daughter grows up dancing on the pole, you know you really f'd up.  and then:  when was the last time you saw a stripper paying her college tuition will all singles.     I can't laugh at that anymore.  it is just so sad and I am so disgusted.  I am very conservative (dress, language, etc.) and I cannot fathom why she thinks this is acceptable.  I know she doesn't dance anymore, but is bartending again.  Here we go again.  She says it is the best paying job.  Damn.  All hell will break loose this week as it has so many times before.  You'd think giving a baby up for adoption would be the turning point.  It is just so hard to wrap your head around this stuff when these issues aren't even part of your vocab., let alone universe.  It is so easy for everyone else to comment, but walking in our shoes, not so easy.

Someday, we will meet, destiny.

Try and have a good day,  I know I will try.

So glad we're friends.

Cathy, I hear you loud and clear. I bought my daughter cough medicine when she told me she was sick. Now I know she was coupling it with weed. I said to myself, how did this get so nasty, so quickly. She destroyed rooms, and kicked a dryer door off . She also pushed her younger sister more then once.  I had spinal surgery in April and my husband was afraid she might knock me down, which would be more than damaging, it could have broken the screws in my back and I could have needed more surgery.   Since she would not go to rehab. we had to give her an ultimatum,  rehab. or out. She left.  I have not seen her in 30 days. It seems like a lifetime. She has an appt. at a rehab. center on June 30th. Her father (my ex) is supposed to take her. She does not want me to. I pray she keeps the appt.  I cry most of the time, was very depressed yesterday.  My younger daughter keeps telling me she is not coming home. I refuse to believe this. I have to hope she will change her lifestyle and come back.  She is my firstborn (only 19) a brilliant student, early college classes, lifeguard, churchgoer, etc. June 2010 it all changed with bad friends and bad choices. It got pretty bad in Jan. 2011. After my surgery (April 21, 2011) she got worse and worse. She works at a gogo bar and has gotten at least 4 tickets and 2 fender benders. This time her car is totalled.  I have to text her today or call, since another fine notice came in the mail.

A police car was outside of where I go to physical therapy and I panicked. Another police car was outside of our house (it was just to tell us a bear was in our backyard), but my husband (her stepfather) went into a panic thinking they were here to tell us she was dead.

I see a cnsl. once a week for enabling and codependency and my little one (13 yr. old) goes every two weeks to a wonderful therapist/phd to help her out since she misses her sister so much (sleeps in her room every night).

I am reading Codependent No More  by Melody Beattie. It is helping me.  My husband just got on the site, he goes under, "trying"   I told him it would help.

I feel your pain, your story is so very close to mine.  I miss my daughter soooo much. I used to tell her (we were best friends)" I don't know if I could get out of bed if something happened to you". So she needed to be careful and keep her wits about her in this world. I have/had such dreams for her. I refuse to give up hope.  But I will not contact her anymore. My cnslr. said, she knows your conditions and that you don't approve of her lifestyle, so just text every once in awhile: I LOVE YOU. This way it is unconditional and simple. She said she is in a dark place right now and this will help when she feels isolated.

All I know is that I could have posted 98% of what you posted.

I am here for you.

A PEACEFUL HOME. That is what I am trying to keep right now. If I let my daughter back, we will be right back to insanity.  What a difficult road.  I am thinking of you today and everyday.