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K. Fitzgerald
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Welcome to Ask an Addict

AskanAddict.com is intended to provide addiction support and advice in a non-judgmental way so that the addict or anyone else that's been affected by an addict will know there are many who understand and eliminate the feeling of being alone. Ask an Addict knows it may be hard to talk with family and friends as many times they just don’t understand. Many have fractured those important relationships in life during active addiction. When it comes to seeking information, likeness, and establishing a strong recovery program who better to ask then someone who has been there! At Ask an Addict we listen and learn, together. Whether your an addict, a recovering addict or have been affected by an addict, we all have that common denominator of addiction.

If I had to use one word to describe our members, it would be the word compassion. (sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it)


 
 
 
Latest Question
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Holidays are bittersweet
My family is in fairly good shape going into Christmas. But that can all change in an instant. So glad that I have you all to help me remember to take this journey "one day at a time".

Posted: 12/15/2014 9:00 PM

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Latest Confession
LIFECOACH
1048 Thanks

Ch ch ch changes.....

I have always liked that David Bowie song.

  First let me apologise for my prolonged absence.  I have logged on a couple of times but not taken the time to comment.  Sorry.  Thanks Dog for keeping in contact and reminding me how much I do care about the people on this site and giving me a kick in the rear to let everyone know I'm still alive and kicking.  I told you I would get to it eventually.

We have the saying here "if nothing changes, nothing changes" .  Well that goes for everything in life not just dealing with addiction.  Over the past 6-8 months my hubby and I have decided to make some major changes in our lives.  We have been buried in responsibility for the past 30 years and have decided that it was time to rearrange things and enjoy life for OURSELVES.  Wow...what a concept, what a difference.

i will have to reveal a little more about myself than I have in the past ...(how long have I been here...about 4 years I think) in order for you to understand the changes and the freedom of responsibility that has come.  

Neither my husband nor I ever had the $$ or desire to attend college. Too busy smoking pot...lol.  Where we came from after you were out of high school you got a job, left home when you were 18 and didn't look back.  College was for rich kids...and that wasn't us.  Needless to say I'm very greatful for the changes in society and circumstance that have made it possible for my kids to be college graduates...but that is a whole different subject.

After a few years of the drug scene where we probably tried everything out there except pure opiates (thank you God...I was a sleeper not a leaper,lol) we decided that we were going nowhere and set our goals on different things.  Thankfully we never developed any addictions and once we changed our circle of friends it was fairly easy to leave it behind us.

  Fast forward.......being "uneducated" we took the avenue of real estate to reach our goals and began investing every extra dollar into property.  We were flipping houses LONG before anyone decide to get rich by making a tv show out of it.  Therefore we were on the band wagon LONG before prices became so inflated that the average middle class family could no longer afford to buy a home.  We experienced the rise and the fall of the real estate market.  We made money on the rise and luckily were able to ride out the fall without loosing our butts like so many others.  Along with all of this there is a "game" thats played.  The game of being a realestate developer....dealing with county officials, going before the commisioners board for zoning changes, parcel splits, map approval, finding financing for various projects...I could go on and on about what we have done for the past 30 years but you get the drift....we have been BURIED IN RESPONSIBILITY.

So a couple of years ago we started to realise we aren't getting any younger...the real estate market was still in the toilet and while we were still able to pay the bills, the profits from the investments were not what we were used to (yes, we had become spoiled riding the gravy train). Being the practical people that we are it was time to take a look at where we were.

Fast forward again so as not to bore you too much....Over the past 6-8 months we have done a re-evaluation of what is really important to us at this stage of life.  We are not old...at least by my standards(not even collecting SS yet)...and we had decided that we were not satisfied with our way of life.  We were spending too much time and $$ managing, repairing, maintaining ,property taxes, mortgages, income taxes, insurance etc.on the remaing real estate holdings we still had.  We were BURIED IN RESPONSIBILITY!!!  It was time to make some changes because...if nothing changes nothing changes. The real estate market is well into its recovery in my neck of the woods.  Tesla has decided to move into the back yard and with it is an influx of economic boom.  It was time.

Since I have actually spent any time here at AaA we have sold all of our residential rentals except one that is attached to one of our businesses.  The place we had to repo from my brother in law has been fixed up and sold. We do all of our repairs, cleaning, maintaince, etc ourselves (responsibility)...yes, I scrub the toilets of other people when I have too, I also know how to work a back hoe a shovel and a hammer...its part of the territory. We had a wonderful brick house in an excellent neighborhood in our closest metropolitan area.  It too has been sold.  It was our "city house" and it is the one place that I find myself missing...not missing that mortgage though..lol.

And so..... you are probably thinking...that wow...we are rich now....and yes we are...we have riches that we dreamed of 38 years ago when we first started building our life together.  We have time, we have freedom.  Most of the money went to paying off the remaining debt we had and for the first time in 30 years we are debt free.  We have chosen to live at a place in the high desert we have owned for many years.  It is totally off grid, three miles to the closest paved road with springs and trees.  Free water from the mountain and power from the sun.  We built the little house with our own hands, spent many years here while the kids were growing up. Paid cash as we went.  Our original plan was to be self sufficient, with no bills and no responsibility.  The real estate thing was just an unexpected detour that was never really planned...it just happened. Started when we set up a place for one of the realitives who had no place to live, she flaked out and we were stck with a mortgage...hence our first rental. I am sad to say we have since lost her to addiction. We still have our businesses in the little community about 15 miles away but it is not the kind where you have to have the doors open 9-5 and we have a manager for now.  Still own some stuff but the only responsibility on it is property taxes.  

On the addiction front: my son in law (H addict for those who don't know) is doing great.  Is he still taking suboxone?  I have no idea,  I do know they are living a wonderful life, he still has the job with the state and my daughter is very happy these days.  They hosted Thanksgiving this year for 22 people.  At the table were 2 addicts in recovery and it was a joy to see how far they have come.  Missing from the table was my brother in law who is still slipping deeper into the hole which only he can get himself out of.  So another aspect of the disease rears its head, that of relapse.  These days I take it all in stride and wish for strength for all involved, us loved ones and our addicts.  We never know what tomorrow brings so we still take it one day at a time.

  I will try to check in more often now that my life is getting settled but alas... in chosing this kind of life style there are other responsibilities.  Making sure we have plenty of fire wood, winterising everything, setting up the road plow in case we get snowed in..etc. I will take these responsibitities any day.  Life is good.

I have tried to catch up a little here and am happy for those doing well, sadden for those who are not and see that addiction has not changed one bit.  It is still the same monster I remember dealing with and am so relieved that I now know how to handle it so much better.  I will leave you with the sayings we are so used to hearing because I really do need to hear them once in a while myself.

Never, ever give up hope.

Take it one day at a time.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

And this one from Dog that I have always remembered "tell your addict that you love them because they really need to hear that."

Thank you all for being here.  Hugs to all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted: 12/06/2014 1:30 PM

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