ever sinse i gave up drinking and using i have become a coffee junkie i drink a lot of it, especially in the winter and sometime energy drinks, its just something i enjoy, but it comes with problems.... because of the amount of caffeine it has caused me to pass kidney stones over the months, and for those who dont know or havent passed one it is really painful especially for a male, its just something i wouldnt want to give up. too me thats like telling an over weight person that they eat cake which is hard to do.. but anyways just thought i would share that with yall. im still doing good, working ,going to meetings,staying in touch with my sponsor and still doing the 12 steps. getting ready to come up on 11 months on the 3rd. well anyways speaking of a meeting im about to go to one...

 Good Morning My Friends,  Although this may not be the forum, I have nowhere else to share my true feelings at this time.  My daughter had a baby girl on Wed. and we did a private adoption (pediatrician helped us). No drugs involved, and she was afraid to tell me after all we had been through. Anyone wondering how I didn't know , trust me it can happen.The couple are very weathly lawyers in NJ and my granddaughter will have a wonderful life. This was my daughter's decision and it wasn't my place to sway her in another direction. Cnsl. is set in place and agency is great. She went from the hospital straight to the parents(baby must be 72 hrs. and you have choices, but this was the best for my daughter).  But I got to know her and we will have a Gwendolyn remembrance box.  We also met and sat with parents for hours. There are no coindences when a perfect match falls into your laps. Knowing she is with a wealthy Jewish family (they brought a family book (have a 5 yr. old adopted boy), balances out the grief we are experiencing), that is the only reason I give these details. Our immediate family surrounded her at the hospital, because we want her to know she is loved.

My issue, I will not see each birthday (although we will celebrate every year on 1/24) and milestones.  My daughter is number one right now and I support her and will help her.  I will not be there when she gets her feelings hurt and skins her knee, but I feel her parents are more than up to this.  But this was not the right time, there will be the right time someday.

I keep repeating to myself, 18 yrs, 18yrs., and God willing she will want to know us. If I keep typing, I will have my little morning breakdown and I need to be strong for my daughter.

Thank you for reading. After everything we have been through and continue to go through as AaA families, I AM still here for all of you and have not forgotten my beginnings here.

Marty, thank for the call and all my mailbox msgs. from my friends. Once again, couldn't be done without you.