Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!
 
461 Thanks
|
Almost three years on the job....
My son was told to look for another job at a recent review. He was devastated and went into his script about how our help to him has been too little too late. Crap, of course. Bad things can happen to him without it being our fault. And this is a bad thing. I wish I knew what went on beyond the scenes, like a fly on the wall. It's probably not even worthwhile to think about it. It's not like he's the first person I've known who lost a job...all I have to do is look in the mirror to see one of them. Since the angry recital of script by telephone, our son is staying away from us. This is actually not him punishing us; it's him trying to manage his feelings on his own. That at least is a good thing. As his landlord, I'm pretty distressed though and would like to know what his plans are. Damn. I hope he can find a job closer to home than the old job. I try to be optimistic, instead of pessimistic as is my nature. I continue to have trouble sleeping, but I am not actually doing anything I should not, like meddling in his life. We have not even spoken since before he got the bad review.
Posted: 10/27/2015 10:49 PM
|
|
LIFECOACH
1671 Thanks
|
In Response to: Almost three years on the job.... Your worrrying Won't change the situation. The details, the why's & the why not's are part of Excessive Duty & Responsibility, but not YOUR Responsibility. To continue to do it is like picking a mental scab. It is such an Incredible Relief when we STOP letting an Adult Addict Highjack Our LIFE! Peace & prayers. Posted: 10/28/2015 7:45 AM
|
In Response to: Almost three years on the job.... My parents never got involved in my life once I became an adult. They didn't tell me how to do anything. They figured their job was done and that they'd taught me right from wrong, set a good example of how to work and pay bills and be basically responsible. I am guilty of still trying to be "mommy" to my 26 year old son. But I've come a long way toward being more like my own parents....letting him live his life, learn from his mistakes...just like I did. Posted: 11/01/2015 1:07 PM
|
|
|
461 Thanks
|
In Response to: Almost three years on the job.... The story goes on. Per my husband, my son now says he was told at his review that he would not be eligible for a promotion or raise until next year. The comment "go look for another job," probably came up when he expressed his feelings about that. I appreciate that the review humiliated him, but his situation was not as dire as he made out. And yet he exploded later at my husband with his incomplete story of his being on the verge of being fired and how it's all our fault. I cannot believe all this crap. He'll be 31 years old in two months and he's still acting like a particularly immature 14-year-old. I wasn't this immature at four. Well, I never did promise him a rose garden but he acts like I did and that now it's my fault he isn't living in one. Once again, I am thinking of how nice it would be to move to another part of the country, receive my mail at a post office box and change my telephone number. Go underground like a criminal evading prosecution...My daughter is thinking of trying to leave the SF Bay Area; maybe my husband and I could move north too. Posted: 11/02/2015 10:11 AM
|
|
326 Thanks
|
In Response to: Almost three years on the job.... Talibabe, It sounds like your son has significant anxiety issues (catastrophic thinking/worst case scenario). He over-reacts to things that most people just respond to..most might be mad and punch the wall, vent a bit..but anxious people may do much more self-destructive things (like quit before they get fired) because they think they will surely be fired even if that's not the case. For an addict, it's using substances to cope "why not, life suck anyway." This has been my son's biggest issue & pattern for 10 years. Does your son take meds for anxiety? Depression? I've had my real son back for the past month because he is compliant on his meds and very involved in his recovery program plus seeing a psychiatrist & caseworker. But, this all is after we walked completely away..he sought this, he decided to surrender to it. In all those years, nothing I did or said made him accept treatment.. Posted: 11/10/2015 7:53 AM
|
|
461 Thanks
|
In Response to: Almost three years on the job.... My son and I both think in terms of worst case scenarios. Did I always? Maybe not, but I know I do now. Thanks for your thoughts and insights. I hope your son saves himself -- sounds like he's made a hopeful start. Let the healing continue. Posted: 11/10/2015 10:04 AM
|
Received 2 Thanks for this Post
SITE SUPTR|
|
|