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Successful businessman but suboxone addict. He 100% will always justify his addiction.  I did work at business but have since been kicked out as he can no longer stand me there reminding him daily about his addiction. I don't actively say anything to him but just looking at me reminds him of who he really is. Me just being near him reminds him that he is an addict.  My codependcy was perfect for working at HIS business .  Somehow though when I get infuriated by his addiction (of which I'm not allowed to even mention to him anymore ) I get mad I get ANGRY.  Then it is my anger that is the problem.  I am the problem everything about me is the problem.  Yet I am not the addict.  How is it he justifies his addiction but can understand or allow my anger in our marriage?  I am considered out of control and he is perfect.  I hide his addiction well I am the perfect enabler.  I have made him very successful in his business and created the perfect environment for his addiction to survive.  He is dismissive, condescending, he blames me for everything.  It's HIS business HIS money HIS everything.  So what am I besides the fool? Why do I feel the need to justify by anger and compare it to his addiction somehow trying to make myself feel better in the process?  Hope I didn't confuse anyone, this is my husband I am talking about.

Posted: 07/13/2016 5:15 PM

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Thank you. There is far more to this story. Isn't there always? No alanon meetings where I live. Not sure it would help me anyway. There are no options for me anymore. I allowed this world to happen. I have no one to blame but myself.  My sadness is overwhelming. I needed to be able to say something without being judged. I hide from everyone. I pretend. That has gotten so much harder do tho.  He's taken his addiction to a new level with me emotionally. It's incredible, the man the world perceives as awesome is my hell. Getting out isn't an option and he knows it. I wonder how long it will take until he's dead. I wonder how I will feel when that happens. Here's a big truth. His 23 yo son OD'd 8 mos ago. Oh yes he minimized the addiction for a few months but now the anger he has over that combined with his anger at me because I remind him of who he really is, have created a new monster who is just incredibly mean and awful to me.

why do I stay? Because I don't care anymore. I have given up. I don't want to try to change. I thought he was the love of my life, he gave me hope when I had none, he brought me back from a dark place in my life. He was my everything. Then he became an addict. 

I am beyond hurt beyond sad, beyond despair.

i am nothing.

Posted: 07/14/2016 6:03 AM

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Another week another BS story. Yesterday I was told (after the He's going back to the suboxone dr which will cost about $750 per month) I need to have more empathy for him!!! REALLY ???? I need to gave empathy for you???? WHERE DO I GET EMPATHY?? Who has empathy for me???

i hate this man I hate what I have allowed hi to do to me

Posted: 07/20/2016 5:58 AM

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focus on your own needs.  you seem to be in a toxic relationship.  The best you can do is to seek help for yourself: counseling etc. You cannot control him, nor he you. You did not cause his issues, nor he yours. Abandon trying to help him, and totally focus on getting help to help yourself

Posted: 08/29/2016 12:56 AM

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Cathy is so right you need to focus on yourself and remove yourself from this toxic relationship. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You are enabling him to continue and its harming you. You can't change him, but you can change you and the anger will go away. Peace is a good thing. My daughter used drugs until I changed, I refused to let it happen around me, she lost everything and became homeless, that is when she changed . 5 years clean and sober .

Posted: 09/01/2016 7:43 AM

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Study up on narcissists.  He sounds like a classic one to me.  You can not fix an addict or a narissist.  You just have to decide if you want to keep living this way.  You can't change his part in your story, but you can change your part. 

Posted: 09/01/2016 8:27 PM

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