Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

I'm new on here but have been living a nightmare since my oldest son was 15, he is now 25. Did rehab thing, Na, he was even a ward of the state bc he got kicked out of rehab and I had other children at home so a judge thought it was best. So here I am now all 5 of my oldest children ranging from 25 to 20 are all addicts. They no longer reside in my home, I still am raising my youngest 2. I decided after being verbally, emotionally, and financially abused to stop communicateing with them since nobody wants treatment of any sort and just want to blame me. I didn't buy them this or that, they had chores and yes when at my whit send I'm ashamed to say, I said I hated them. But it was frustration, my last 10 years have been a living hell. So is it choice their doing drugs..heroin, meth, pills, duis before even 21 or is it an uncontrollable disease and I'm asking too much when I have offered rehab?? Please answer me with all honesty...I am lost.

Posted: 12/04/2016 7:18 PM

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I have a daughter with addiction (AD).  She has been using save for stints in rehab, for ten years. I understand.

The US surgeon General just issued a major report on addiction.  It is a disease. The disease begins to develop after repeated misuse of a substance, and continues to develop as the person continues to abuse a substance.

It is a fatal disease if left untreated. The choice in this disease, as with other diseases, is whether or not the person with the disease cooperates with recommended treatment. This cooperation is not quite as black/white as with other diseases.  Addiction is a disease in the brain, and impacts the person's decision making ability.  This makes it doubly hard for the person to make any kind of choice, especially one related to treatment. Research has shown that substance misuse/abuse causes a form of brain damage, that may be reversable, once the person stays off of the substance. Think of it as a traumatic brain injury, except, instead of being the result of an injury to the outside of the head, substance abuse/misuse causes a brain injury inside the brain. The cells, neurons and receptors in the brain actually physically change with active substance abuse/misuse.  The person with addiction may have chosen to take that first or second drink/dose, but they had absolutely no control or choice in the development of the disease of addiction. The continued need to use the drug is a result of the damaged brain demanding more of the drug.

That said, the disease does not require that you sustain abuse.  You have to focus on your life, and the lives of your remaining two children.  Al Anon can be helpful, as can other support groups for you and your remaining children.

As with other diseases that occur, this disease is not caused by anything you purchased or did not purchase for your children.

You should encourage rehab and long term treatment of at least a year.  For any children still under the age of 18 you can still take them to rehab.  The others? All you can do is encourage them, from a safe distance.  Texting works for me.  That way I can read/answer/ delete at my convenience.

The Surgeon General's report (google it) indicates that the most effective research based treatment includes rehab, half way house treatment, and then 3/4 way house, and that the minimum treatment time should be ONE to TWO YEARS. That is one thing I wish I had known ten years ago when we first started out, and my AD was young enough that I could have required her to stay in treatment. However, ten years ago noone knew this, as there had been little to no research, and there certainly were not even the limited treatment options that we have available today.

Bless you and your family.  If you respond or post another question, I will try to answer.  We used to have a lot of folks answering questions, so you may get a few others.  I check about once a week.

Posted: 12/05/2016 10:48 PM

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Dear Newbie,

I am glad you are here. Cathy has already told you the mot important things about addiction.  ?I want to add a few things:  addiction is not like arthritis  or Multiple Sclerosis, both chronic illnesses and very debilitating.  Addicted persons are not helpless during the course of their illness.  When I was addicted, I knew one guy who was working and supporting his heroin habit by his paycheck.  If your children blame you , they are undisciplined  losers and need to be made to feel the consequences of their actions.  I apologize for being so harsh.  As long as you enable them, they will never even consider quitting.  Remember, these drugs make us feel very good, so good that we don't see a reason to give them up. 

?I have been clean for over forty years.  The cravings are still with me, but I don't see any reason to give up what I have worked for so long and hard.

?You must decide how you want to proceed.  If you keep doing what you are doing, the results will always be the same.  Put your foot down.  Throw them out and make them live their own lives on their own terms.

?Freyja

Posted: 12/22/2016 4:53 PM

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