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My Boyfriend had been clean for 8 months until a couple days ago when he relapsed. He is an amazing guy and treats me so well. I'm not ready to give up on him and leave him but I want him to realize that I am hurt and want him to get help, although I know he needs to want it. I have been ignoring his texts and calls all day after telling him I was hurt and needed some time, I dont want him to think that he can keep putting me through this and its going to be okay. But I also feel bad and want to be there for him, but I'm not sure what the right thing to do is right now. He had taken some of my pain pills I had from a kidney stone I had gotten a couple weeks ago. I know that he has actual pain, and he says he didnt take them to get high but that doesnt make it right in my eyes at all. Im just so confused and struggling with it all and need some advice. Do I continue to not talk with him for a few more days at least to get a point across?

Posted: 03/11/2017 8:14 PM

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Dear Newbie,

Welcome here.  I am glad you found us.  Believe me, I want to be supportive and positive. but that is not the nature of this disease.  Stop feeling sorry for him.  You did not cause his condition.  You cannot control his behavior and you cannot cure his disease.  There.
If you want to remain part of his life, set some boundaries.  Have a face to face meeting and tell him that what he is doing is against everything you believe in  and what you can tolerate.  He will promise you the world.  He will be contrite, maybe cry.  Remain firm.  Junkies are the greatest manipulators in the world.  I know, I was one,    Tell him, nothing he says will change your mind.  Only through his actions can he prove that he is not an addict anymore.

Send him here. We can provide support.

Be  strong.  You are worth it,

Freyja

Posted: 03/13/2017 2:19 PM

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 Nothing you can do or say will help this man, it is his journey. Loving an addict is hard and the road is often bumpy. My hope for you is that your boyfriend finds long term recovery, it is possible, however the hard work and commitment to achieve that may be a ways away since he has recently stole pills and relapsed.  I had to cut my oldest daughter out of my life until she "got it". Please educate yourself and know how hard your life will be if you stay with this guy and he doesn't clean up. A firm boundary and follow through is essential. Good luck to you.

Posted: 03/20/2017 7:00 PM

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