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What Is Going On - Get Me Out Of This

Hi, some background - I'm female and don't do drugs or drink (although I used to drink socially) and don't want to be around it let alone live with it. The last several years, I have had a lot of physical illness that turned into financial hardship and last year it impacted my vision and had to flee my apartment. It was a nightmare and lost everything financially and so stressful (and I'm supposed to be resting). A friend  I've known 30 years (strictly platonic, never more than a friend, and always helpful). I didn't want to do it for many reasons, but had nowhere else to go and here I am now for months.

Since then I have been a WRECK. I'll skip over details but have been feeling very unsafe. I want to get out of here but have been traumatized but haven't been able to work therefore lack of money has been an issue in freeing myself. I would leave THIS SECOND if I could but cannot and will not go to a s-h-e-l... you can finish the word.

I've seen sides of this friend I didn't know existed and the personality started changing (or revealing itself) before I moved and now that I'm here things are weird, creepy, and frightening. He is laid off from a great job over a year ago and might have something starting to line up but has not been taking the right steps. (And I am looking for some kind of work I can do.) He has been covering my storage and has the key to it and it is not in my name, but my name is on it for entry.

He is like someone I don't know and part of me wonders if he both was being helpful since I've been in this situation AND might have ulterior motives or secretly hope something woudl happen. He also fibbed about certain things. And one night I heard pushing on my door a couple times. I started shaking and also was left wondering if he was out of it, but the reasons don't matter. I have been locking myself in this room i'm staying in every night. From inside this room, I hear him many nights talking to himself, passing gas, belching which is gross and I'm surprised he'd act like that with me here and never saw this behavior demonstrated previously. Sometimes when he talks to himself I can't recognize his voice exactly and his behavior is so strange I have thought maybe he has a psychiatric disorder. One time it was simply he was watching a video and reacting strangely. He may start humming a lot often and I also hear a LOT of sniffing but it's not coccaine because the sniffing usually lasts a fairly long time. And there's deep breathing of some sort, too, in the zone of Darth Vadar-type. He also has this chronic cough that I never heard before but hear several times a night every night and stomach issues, which makes me think he may be trying to feel better by using. He drinks regularly (several nights a week by himself most often) but I haven't seen him passed out drunk or slurring or anything like that yet (and hope to never). I think he likely has pills he pops once in a while as well, perscribed from a medical thing. But, what I'm really concerned about is he's doing some kind of drug. He had mentioned that he smokes pot but I thought it was isolated to social events. But I don't know if it's pot that he's doing in the apt. or something else. I've smelled pot many times before but it doesn't smell familiar... 

What is this? The smell is like sweet and thick and strong. I see no smoke but it's heavy. I wake up with my lungs depressed and my poor eyes irritated (and I'm already battling eye disease) and it scares me. I think he picked something up at a social gathering. He's used a few times at least in one week. The smell was strong and potent. Then I've smelled it subsequently but not as strong. The smell lasts maybe 45 min. and then it lingers and is in the apt. for like a day and smells stale/funky but not mediciney but not pleasant. I get the sense it could be an opiate? Does anyone know what drug he's doing?????

There is also this suspicious plant that appeared in the apartment that has red thin stems and it makes me wonder.

Anyway, I'm skipping over a lot. All I know is I have to get out of here and can't confront him, nor do I really want to unless absolutely necessary. My diagnosis is psychiatric disorder untreated and multiple substance abuse.

I'm in no position to help emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritualy or otherwise because I have nothing left to give. My life has come to that. I was supposed to be here to get things in order and start to recover but it has presented more to handle. I truly want to help him but am trying to find my oxygen mask. I'm praying a lot. I've been thinking about an emergency bag. I leave the apartment from morning to night but can't keep this up much longer.

I could go on and on. There is actually this man I like who I've had on and off relations with but doesn't live in the same city. He is an addict and recovered then relapsed and now has been ok the last year approx. I like him romantically but I don't hear from him even when I reach out. Any advice on this as well?

Thank you to anyone who is brave enough to respond. I don't know how serious this all is and am trying to find a way.


Posted: 03/23/2018 11:44 PM

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