Creative Corner

I hurt so bad. I mean physically. I used to tell my husband I just wanted to be numb for just a little while. To not feel any pain. So I would get high on crack and forget about it for awhile. I was on morphine for more years than I can remember.

So here I am with this pain and unable to tolerate any form of painkiller. I get stiffer and stiffer it seems. I never thought I could or would have to deal with this much pain on a day-to-day basis. It's okay though. Feeling this pain means I am alive.

And could I do more? Will I do more? Yes. At this point I will do what I can to manage without the help of prescription drugs or alcohol or crack or....

Yes, some days I welcome this pain. To be able to feel again is like the best!

I know there is only so much I can do about it (the pain). So I will reach deep down and learn a new way to cope. Do I have any ideas about how to go about doing that? Yes.

Some people will scoff and say OMG but if it works, why not? If it means getting up when the sun is rising and meditating or stretching then so be it.

I can remember a time in my life when I did not have a vehicle or friends to rely on for transportation. I was off the cocaine and very ill. The point is that I walked everywhere. I had to. And it must of been what I needed at the time of my life. It taught me not to take things for granted and it made me see things I might otherwise not have noticed. If I really wanted something or if something meant enough to me to go after it, I had to walk.

Try walking five miles just so you can see and be with your kids. What I am talking about is determination. What am I determined to do?

I will feel the pain and stay off the drugs because there is a better day coming.

searchin

Posted: 10/01/2011 9:42 AM

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