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Confessions

This is the place to get it all out! Tell us what's on your mind. What's the worst thing you've done for your addiction? What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your addiction? How have you been affected because of someone else's addiction? How has your life as an addict affected the ones you love? Reading and writing these confessions help us realize the impact that the addictions have over all of us. When posting your confession, you can choose to remain anonymous or let others see your profile name as to bring about discussions.

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Dyanne 326 Thanks

Leaving Las Vegas Things have been in a holding pattern with AD. He continues to work a lot of hours a week but I can see that he is starting to "lose it" and he is holding fast to his "functional addict" plan. He just constantly states that he is entitled to his addiction because his life is miserable. He is back to writing threats like this.."no I'm going leaving las vegas....this will stop for me one way or another"..He now wants "front money" to leave the state yet again..I wrote him this message and though I shouldn't have responded..I did feel better once I did. You have set this course and only you can correct it. Where did you get the idea that it is constantly up to others to fix your mistakes for you? We are willing to help on the ways already enumerated (i.e. Monthly minutes on your phone - the 20th phone you purposely destroyed in your last fit of anger when we didn't bow to your threats and demands). You are choosing to remain an addict..you were visibly shaking when I saw you yesterday. You say that is your business and you have a "right" to continue using substances because your life is so bad and unfair. Why do you have a right to set conditions for your life but we do not? You are working a lot of hours- as to your pay or the working conditions..I cannot speak to those but you flashed a lot of money at us yesterday and Saturday when we saw you at lunch. We understand you want to change a lot about your life. We have explained to you that it is a process that starts with sobriety and recovery first. You admitted to me that you spend all your extra time in bars and you also admitted you drink at work where there is a bar. How long can you keep this job with these conditions? These people gave you a chance and you stepped up to the challenge. Unfortunately, you seem determined to mess all this up. If this job isn't cutting it, use the experience and the references to get into a better situation. That is how it is done. If you really want to move across the country..then take the money you are spending on drinking and bars and save it toward your plan to leave. It is not up to us..We gave you money to leave the state 3 times before. Each time you either never made it past the local bars or you went, partied on the beach (Miami) and told us you were dying on the street until we brought you back. This doesn't count the times we have paid your rent and helped you start again here. This will never change if we don't change how we respond. You have a very practiced way to draw me back in, to get me rattled so I say anything to keep you going. But that is also not my job anymore. You must find your own reasons to live, to grow, to recover. We expected to help if you were sincere about recovery and sincere about getting your legal troubles settled. Then, for the umpteenth time..you didn't show up to your court date, lying about the reason. They wanted less than $400 on that date and you said $5000. We paid your rent that month so you could pay the court. But, in spite of your job you said you didn't have any money to give them. Again, more reasons we cannot get involved..the lies, the lies, the lies. I told you that if you saved a lot of the money to pay the court and you were sober..we would help with a shortfall in rent or utilities..but as usual, not good enough. You have shown that you do not intend to pay the court, now you say you want to run away. You will never be able to outrun your addiction and the consequences of it. You must face them both and put them behind you. The help offered stays the same..it is very dependent on you working a program and having a coherent plan to move forward by settling the fall out. You are one of four. If all my kids had these issues, made these messes- would we be responsible to clean up after all of them? If that were true your dad and I would be living on the street. You can do this. You can change your life. You have a future that will look so much brighter when you put your addiction and it's fall out behind you for good. I won't respond to any more threats..I don't know what you mean by "I'm going Leaving Las Vegas" and that you are determined to end it. Please get help. This has been years and years of these machinations. We all need to move beyond this. Posted: 06/24/2014 3:10 PM Received 3 Thanks for this Post

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