Confessions
This is the place to get it all out! Tell us what's on your mind. What's the worst thing you've done for your addiction? What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your addiction? How have you been affected because of someone else's addiction? How has your life as an addict affected the ones you love? Reading and writing these confessions help us realize the impact that the addictions have over all of us. When posting your confession, you can choose to remain anonymous or let others see your profile name as to bring about discussions.
 
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Presuming an After Party
For a minute, I want to imagine what my family would be like should my son cease addictive behaviors. My husband would be very happy and not ask for much more. I would be happy, but I would still have lots of disappointments. 1) He would still be at a disadvantage in the labor market; 2) still have health and learning problems; 3) still have the restraining order against approaching his sister, my daughter. My daughter does not anticipate any healing of her feelings toward her brother. Finally, I have to think about the last 15 to 20 years and all we have been through. The struggle has not brought me enlightenment or anything close. Instead, my chronic depression has been re-ignited and my family has been damaged. There is no computer that will restart the family back to when things started to go wrong. I do not feel as though I am special because I am being tested much less that I have passed some sort of metaphysical test and never will no matter what. I used to think of myself as a strong person and I think others thought of me that way too. What I have actually learned is that I am really rather fragile and that I spend a lot of time hiding that from other people. I spend a lot of time thinking about the past, find the thoughts intrusive. I wish I could be the person I was once. I realize that others here have worse problems, that many have worse problems, a thought that used to help me get a grip on unattractive qualities like self-pity. One thing that's good: my son has had the same job for two and a half years, he may be doing well, he's beginning to condemn others for being irresponsible and is becoming less irresponsible that he used to be. But he's still growing up slow and I'm getting old fast 68 years old next month. Are there stages to old age, one being giving up on all the people and things one cared about once?
Posted: 09/15/2015 5:23 PM
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