Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

I know this seems like a ridiculous and naive question,  but I have to rule it out. My husband of barely one year was a recovering crack addict when i meant him.  He said he had been clean for 5 years.  I should also add that he is a 100% disabled veteran with ptsd. I really thought he was done with the drugs.  He was 53 when we met and I thought he was too old to keep that up much longer.  Since then (about 3 years ago) he has had 3 relapses that he admits to, and one he had a crazy story about that i no longer believe.  Now i am starting to believe that he has never been totally clean. He is so good at hiding it. The fact that he has got it past me for so long says a lot. Because i don't let things go until i find the truth and i am very thorough. He is a very intelligent man. Yet i will confront him with black and white proof and he will still act like i am crazy and he has no idea what im talking about. He is also very delusional and i assumed that was the ptsd. But i am now wondering if the crack has eaten his brain so badly that he literally doesn't know he is still doing it. Does anyone know if that's possible? For example 3 days ago he came home with about 100 dollars less than he was supposed to have and made up a story that i couldn't prove wrong because i wasnt there. That night he abruptly left with our dog,  who he never takes on a walk and was gone for 25 minutes. He comes back acting very weird.  I confronted him, but he laughed it off. Then came in later and apologized for making me feel suspicious. He kept disappearing down to the basement for no reason. If i ask him why he is going down there he gets mad and says im being a nag.  All night long he kept getting in and out of bed. His eyes looked weird but not dialated. But he did have ativan so maybe that counteracted the effects some. I ended up looking through his call history on the sprint site because he cant delete that. I foung one number that had been dialed almost obsessively that night. They were all one minute calls, at least 20 of them and only one incoming call from that number and they stopped right before the dog walk. I had to threaten divorce to even get him to admit that he called that number. His reason for that is that he was having urges and that was someone he knew from recovery who was giving him support. At the time i couldn't think straight to bring up the fact that those calls were too short for that. Later on i found that he has been calling that same number since at least July. 

I really feel like he believes these lies he tells thats why i ask if he could be so messed up that he thinks he really isnt doing it. Also one thing i am confused about is that i never smelled it. Ive read about what it smells like and i have smelled that in our house in the past but had no clue what it was. 

Posted: 09/24/2017 2:21 PM

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Your gut doesn't lie. It is clear as crystal to me, he is an active user!That money did not grow legs and walk off! Unless you are ready to continue to lose money, and property come up missing, you need to dissolve this marriage. He is looking you right in the eyes and lying to your face. His only love right now is meth. It comes before anything, and I mean ANYTHING! Good luck with this. Start looking around your home for your valuables, I bet you have many things missing that yu are unaware of yet. He will also bring undesireables to your home when you aren't there, who have sticky fingers if you know what I mean. I wish you all the best.

Posted: 09/24/2017 7:37 PM

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For a moment I thought this was my post!  It's the story of my ex-husband. From what I went through, no he was never clean. He many have stayed away from it for a while but that's it. He may even truly believe he has it under control.. Looking back now, I laugh when I think of some of the crazy stories he told me and I believed hook, line and sinker!  As far as not smelling it, it sounds like you still don't have the "proof" you seem to need. You know what the truth  is . Now you just need to get your heart on board and walk away. 

Posted: 10/22/2017 6:24 PM

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Please also consider that your husband has a serious mental illness.  PTSD manifests itself with delusions, among other symptoms.  He needs in- or outpatient treatment .  Of course, he will not go voluntarily, but even if he cleans up from crack use, the following depression will kill him. 

I was married to a Vietnam vet who aklmost drank himself to death.  I had him committed to the VA hospital psych unit- a terrible thing to do. But it saved his life, not our marriage, though.

Please open your eyes to the reality of PTSD and act for him.   Best wishes,

Freyja

Posted: 11/02/2017 8:49 AM

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Thank you Freyja for your response. Yes, I do realize that PTSD is a serious illness, although I didn't realize that it could cause delusional or memory problems. There really is not much easily understood information about it available. Not even through the VA. He has been in and out of the psych ward many times. I think the depression you mentioned is what is causing him to continue to use. I think he tries to use smaller amounts to keep himself from crashing and becoming suicidal but it just ends up leading to another binge. He has started seeing a psychologist that is well versed in PTSD. I think this is going to help more than anything.  He has even been to a 30 day PTSD clinic in the past, but they offered him no continuing therapy after that. Our local VA is horrible. 

I'm sorry to hear that your marriage didn't survive. At least you took the chance ascend did what was necessary to save him.  

Posted: 11/02/2017 9:44 AM

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