Have Questions About Addiction? Ask an Addict!

Duplicate

Duplicate

My 20 son who is a heroin addict just relapsed after three months clean. He has been in a Sobor house for 4 months and has a job, after his second direct deposit pay check he relapsed. We want him to put us on his bank account but he is unwilling says he need to show us and himself he can handle it? he has been in and out of rehabs since last October. Not sure how to get him to let his Mom and I help him with his money or should we? I have been told be some of his Florida counselors to let him do his recovery but it just seems the money is a trigger

My son turned 26 today.  I took him, his girlfriend, and her four adorable children to the mall where we got a cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory and let the kids ride the merry-go-round.  Just a simple, uncomplicated afternoon..................but nothing with an addict is simple or uncomplicated.  It was very stressful, and I am going to go watch some sit-com reruns to cheer myself up.  If you are so-inclined, please pray for my son.  He is doing so much better, but still has so much catching up to do.  One....day....at....a....time.

 

Just 10 days after my son posted bail on his very first felony possession for cocaine, $8,000, he was arrested and taken to jail again, this time with 5 felony charges and 3 misdeameanor. Three of the felonies were with intent to manufacture, sell, distribute, etc. The bail this time was $100,000. He called me, told me he needed my help, but never outright asked me to bail him out. He said, "The one time I need my mother, I call her and she isn't there." I guess the implication is that I wouldn't bail him out. I told him I would help him, would he like me to locate a lawyer to contact him in jail. He hung up on me. Then he got a bondsman and for the mere cost of $13,000, which he'll never get back, his bond was posted. His "mugshot" was a horror, looking like someone who had been dug up and removed from their tomb. He was grey, sunken, looks beaten. After the first arrest, he was evicted, so he has now had his things packed by professionals, moved to storage, and he is hiding out, probably using, until his first hearing, next Friday. I texted him yesterday, saying, "Are you all right?" He texted back, "F***ing fine." That's where it is with my son. As for me, I am sinking emotionally. I'm not giving in actively to the depression, but it's grabbing me by the ankles and pulling me down. Today, I got up, sat and read for a while outside, and then came into the house and went to lay down on the bed, with a comforter, dozing on and off, wishing I didn't have to wake up to reality. By late afternoon, I was able to drag myself to do some chores, always thinking about my son and what the outcome of this will be. His situation seems to be deteriorating so quickly. His brother told me that my AS's charges may be all put together and reduced to a charge that wouldn't require jail. His attorney said that perhaps he could get "drug court," which sounds like it might be the best fit for him. Maybe I should just be journalling, rather than taking up space here, but when I get a notice in my e-mail that someone has responded to my writing, I feel better, I know that there are people out there who care about me, even though they have never met me, and never will. I put myself out there, all of my anxiety and fear, and then I feel someone reaching out, and it helps a bit. Anyway, does anyone have any idea about what might happen legally? These recent arrests have been his first felony charges. But, all together there are 7 felonies, and 3 misdemeanors, from the two events, that will be handled in two separate hearings. Thanks, MaineMom

I'm back. Last I wrote, my son had gotten out of rehab and starting smoking crack again in just a few days. The beat has gone on as before, until a week and a half ago, when he was arrested. A woman was banging on his door, he wouldn't let her in. A neighbor called the police, who came out. The woman began yelling, "He has drugs in there." The police found the drugs and paraphernalia, took him off to jail, and he posted his own bond of $8,000, and was released, to be arraigned in a couple of weeks. About three weeks ago, I texted him and asked him if he would respond with just a one or two word text if I called him every other day to see if he was okay. I have been doing this every other day, and he has been responding with one or two words, mostly negative, but at least I know he's alive. He doesn't know I know he was arrested, or that I know any details of the arrest. His brother told me, and the rest is public record. My son lives in the south, and I am in Maine, so I don't drive by or do any of the painful things that I did when we all lived in the same town in California. Yesterday, he responded to my text with, "Rehab next week." This will be #7, and it may well be because he thinks the judge will look upon him more kindly if he is showing some attempt at recovery. My question is: Are my texts, asking him if he is okay and done for my peace of mind, hurting him, or enabling him, preventing him from hitting bottom? I am so grateful for his responses, but most of all, I want him to do what he needs to do to get into recovery. I would so appreciate input on this. Thanks, MM

 Being a felon is not easy. everything is against you. BUT with no real job history my AD No NO I will not say addict, my DAUGHTER landed a good job and is starting work.I just can not say addict anymore sorry, because that is NOt what defines her. I am proud of her progress and am breathing again at a normal pace. I am not saying that fear does not creep in but I iwll NOT allow that to take hold of me any longer. Be strong.Do not give up, do not give in. Fight the good fight!

 

 

My addicted son was brought out of homelessness by a family friend. She allowed him to stay with her while her parents were away for the summer. He got a job landscaping and she drives him to work and picks him up everyday. He's works over 60 hous a week and is doing well. The girls parents are now home and he has been staying at a hotel at $50 bucks a night. She is trying to find an apartment for them to stay in. He called me last night and told me that she is very possessive and he doesn't want to commit and live with her, although he appreciates what she is doing for him. He does not own a vehicle and needs her for rides to work. He is not in counseling or going to NA meetings. Question: should I help him get a room/apartment for just himself? he cannot afford to continue paying $50 per night. It is so hard finding a cheap place to stay. He cannot stay with me. He has a felony and cannot get a lease on an apartment. He has no friends due to his addiction/social skills. He is 26 years old. I have signed leases in the past and gotten burned when he relapses.