Confessions

AD Not doing well at all. Police put him on another psychiatric hold because he was running in front of cars on a busy street. The Social Worker called me at midnight the other night to get info. When I gave her the background...he won't work, lies about everything, is a substance abuser the last 8-10 years, he has been hospitalized 25-30 times in the last 4 years.. She said they were going to admit him. I begged for help, said we were afraid of him. The next morning he was out..calling for a ride back to Ann Arbor where he is homeless..I refused to to so..my husband had a procedure that day related to his stroke. He was furious and demanded I come anyway for him ..when I wouldn't he called my sister. She did go to hospital & overheard that he signed himself out AMA..He left a place where he could get help to go back on the street. I now have no contact with him. I did tell him that he needs to sign himself into a psychiatric facility - I just can't handle any more. The police were talking about us going to Probate Court, getting guardianship- am I horrible if I just don't have that fight left in me anymore? The one cop told me that the saddest thing is seeing an 80 year old mom still doing this with a 50-something son. I could see that happening to me if I don't walk away now. He was supposed to get into sober housing in 6 weeks if he complies with outpatient program but he will have to stay in shelter in the meantime. My son heard they are sick of him in the program..he has interfered with the progress of others. They are testing his sincerity & resolve and he is failing. I feel sick..but I keep your voices in my head..my job is to do nothing..he has to do everything ...but apparently he won't even do one thing..

I was hoping that Dog would write again with his new address, but so far I have not heard from him since he was moved. 

 

 

I would just like to thank our addicts for checking in.  You give such hope to those of us with loved ones who suffer from addiction.  It means so much to us to know that our addicts can be successful in recovery.  Many of our newer members may not know the struggles that you as individuals have told us in the past.  But they are living with the struggles of their loved ones right now.  I know when addiction was new to me that knowing that recovery is possible gave me the hope that kept me sane.  Being able to hear from you helped me understand things from an addicts perspective.  You are and will always be a part of the family here at AaA.  Like other families...we are not always in constant communication but that doesn't mean we have forgotten anyone.

 ?I am so happy for all of you and your families.  Thank you for sharing your success with us. Thank you for the times you shared your failures with us. Know that you continue to give us hope. ?

  For the newer members...just because some of us do not always respond to a post does not mean that we don't care, its just that sometimes we have to distance ourselves for one reason or another.  I am thankful for the newer members...you have kept the site active when some of us old guys have slipped (that would be me I'm talking about).  

As everyone knows...at least they do now...I have a tendancy to ramble once I get started.  Sorry...one of my character flaws. So once again I will thank everyone for being here.  

May the New Year bring us all whatever we need to keep on keepin on.  Peace and prayers to you all.

 

  

  

Hi all.. Haven't been around much..depressed..just wish this Christmas would be over already. My parents are elderly, 87 and 81 and they have always been gloomy, negative, defeatist people. My Dad is a "rage-a-holic" who in his dementia has become very intimidating to my mother. He pounds, screams, tantrums all over their house because he can't find or remember anything. She's basically an invalid that just sits & cries and guilts my sister and I into doing everything that she really needs an aide for. Horrible situation. They won't hire help, they won't sell their house. Yesterday, my mom was in a particularly foul mood. I have four kids and when they were little AD (the oldest) was always a challenge as they say. He was certainly ADD with Hyperactivity so when it came time for watching kids or taking them places she was keen on taking my daughter (very easy kid) or one or both of my twins but AD was always mine to handle as he acted out in public and had to be watched with a keen eye. So my mom told me yesterday that she and my dad were talking (in between screaming at each other I guess) and they find it interesting that the child I ended up spending the most time with (and other people less) turned out so screwed up and the others that are doing well apparently have them to thank for saving them at times from my toxic parenting. She said that they knew "when I had that kid" that I would be an incompetent parent and the proof is "on display for everybody to see." She went on for a but til I walked out. I just can't understand why she said this to me now ...though I believe they talk about it all the time- all they've ever done is b$&ch and complain in life. She is dying, near the end of her life and she just had to get that out? I wanted to say something back but she is so weak & needy and he doesn't even remember what is said one minute to the next. I mean, I am cleaning up her poop right now- very hurtful and unnecessary.

 Last week I spent a lot of time writing an update and when I went to send it it got lost in cyberspace....frustrating.  I will try again.

My daughter and son in law  (H addict) hosted Thanksgiving this year.  They did a great job and a good time was had by all.  For those of you who don't know my SIL is a heroin addict.  Had almost 2 years clean, relapsed for 3-4 months and has currently been taking suboxone now for about 16 months. He picked himself up from his relapse when he was notified he got a job with the state.  School was also beginning again in a few days and he knew that if he didn't fix himself guickly somehow he would be back into a life of deep active addiction.  Time was of the essence, he had to start work and school in a matter of days....he chose to get on suboxone....again.  He used it when first in recovery but only for a month or so. He was in a resisential rehab then but he didn't have that option this time (well I guess he did but he would have had to kiss the job and school goodbye).  Anyways... He takes it as prescribed and doesn't use it to get high.   I am not happy he is on suboxone and neither is he however it has helped him live a normal life.  There have been no signs of active addiction and both he and my daughter seem very happy these days. I have no idea how long he plans to stay on it. I don't ask.  I have definitly changed my opinion on it over the last year though and don't look upon his using it as a failure on his part.  HIS recovery HIS decision. I know its a crutch...but I'll take it over heroin anyday. I have learned to keep an open mind.  He has recently gotten a raise at work, my daughter has gotten a better paying job and they have bought a house.  

Living with addiction from any angle is never something we can put aside. No matter how much we educate ourselves on this disease and tell ourselves to detach we are always hoping for recovery or fearing relapse.  We learn to take things as they come one day at a time. For those of you with active addicts in your life please NEVER give up hope that they can recover.  If your addict has a relapse please never doubt that they can fix it again....and again...and again...if necessary.  

  Wishing everyone here a life of peace and hope.  

 

 

 

 

One of our city's Nar-Anon groups is facilitated by a "double winner" (an addict who has been in recovery for a long time and now has his own addict to deal with).  This man has been in recovery for 9 years and his wife has been in recovery for 19 years. 

"Al" (anonymous) has admitted that 30 years of using took its toll on his health.  He is now in the hospital with pancreatitis which got so infected that other organs are affected.  He is on dialysis and on a ventilator. 

If you are so inclined, please say a little prayer for my friend.  He has been such an inspiration to addicts and their families.  His wife is just lovely and sweet.  We are hoping that the infection clears up and he makes a full recovery.  But right now, it's anybody's guess as to how this will go. 

 

I may be being sucked in again. My marijuana and maybe alcohol addled son is STILL living pretty much rent-free in one of our houses and still beating up on it when he has a bad commute or something. BUT he also is working fulltime, has gotten praised at work, can work on repairing the house with his father, and can behave reasonably at a Thanksgiving dinner celebrated on Wednesday. His sister still fears him and has a permanent restraining order against him. On a scale of one to ten, how much of a fool am I for hoping that he's gradually getting better? He can be reasonable for days at a time, even weeks. He's probably still smoking and drinking, with the greater problem being the marijuana. That said, I have not sniffed anything on him for some time. Could it be that he just needs a bit of help over the hard places to get better? My husband and I love him so. How much of a difference is there between opiates, meth and marijuana is there? I suspect he just turns to beer when marijuana is not available to him. Also some of his behavior maybe diabetic rage and we have agreed to make the co-payment for an insulin pump. He has health insurance through work now and the co-payment is small. I will urge my husband to make the co-payment directly to the provider.

Last night I was at a restaurant with a group I joined of widow and widowers, trying to reinvent my life without active addicts and no husband, and I am sitting next to a family, a mom and dad and a young girl who is nodding off at the table, I later learned that this young girl just had a twin sister who died of an overdose. They were strangers but I had this incredible urge to run to the table and say " the last thing you should be doing is bringing this girl out to dinner". It really upsets me when I see this it gets me all worked up. They looked so sad and defeated. I wonder if anyone has tried to help them, talk to them. I wanted to slip them our AaA card, maybe I should have.

I had an enabling relapse last Sunday. As many of you know, I have been obsessing over the holidays and AD being alone and feeling apart from the family. We made him the deal where we will pay for 2 months of his rent if he goes into program housing where he has support and structure. He has been hemming & hawwing and changing his story for weeks about all this. We refuse to pay motels any longer & he says he is staying at a warming center at night. We didn't see him on Thanksgiving but I unblocked him from Facebook to find out if he had arranged the program housing. He started writing and sounded so like his old self..asking about his sick grandma & asking to see her again..afraid he wouldn't get to. I offered to take him out for lunch (Sunday) because he missed family Thanksgiving. He was all for this plan and seemed to appreciate it (did I mention coherent & reasonable?). Everybody (including on this site) said "Don't do it...it will be a disaster" but I forged ahead..took my sister. We picked him up at the public library & he reeked of alcohol...he was completely messed up. I didn't know what to do with him once he got into the car like that. We took him to a restaurant and it was horrible. All the reasonable & coherence was gone. I reiterated our offer of rent and he was hostile, bitter and angry. He said it wasn't enough and an "insult." He went off on a rampage (in public) about what a victim he is and how we did this to him. The upshot is still that he will take nothing less than being allowed to live back in our home or we pay his expenses-no questions or conditions. He told me to "shove" my blankin' offer. He won't be told how and where to live at 27. Then he started kicking the tables & chairs over where we were sitting & he left the restaurant. Later he posted on Facebook: "Finally, at nearly 27 haha, got my mother and father out of my life for good...this is certainly a good thing as now I can move forward without that shadow of family hanging over my head making me miserable!" My heart is so heavy right now. His birthday is in 2 days...his twin brothers is today. We went out and we always used to celebrate all 3 together. He is missing this year & I fear he may be for good. I see why it is important to stay totally away. This just made things worse. Trying to detach, trying to detach...his birthday is Friday & then Christmas. The only contact I should take is if he arranges program housing as is the deal, correct? This is a nightmare. It is getting so cold out there. So many winters spent just like this. It seems like it will never end.